


Timing is everything

by humble_beginnings



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 18:17:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 44,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4231908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humble_beginnings/pseuds/humble_beginnings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily might have a famous friend from Eton, but she's looking for a much more charming prince.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote Jamie's character I based his physical characteristics on Jamie Dornan. If you are a fan of Jamie's, do with this information what you will...
> 
> Keep an eye on individual chapters for warnings, but there's nothing too dramatic.

"Good afternoon, Miss Bainbridge,"

"Have a lovely weekend, girls. I'll see you all on Monday morning,"

17 girls filtered out through the door and Emily began to pack up her bag to go home. A familiar face appeared in the doorway as she was about to walk out.

"Jamie, hi. How was your day?"

"Noisy, yours?"

"Lovely actually. I have a beautiful group this year. Year five are not at all what I expected personality wise."

"Haha year one are not at all what I expected either! Can I walk you out?"

"Yes, I just need to get my coat on the way out,"

The cold London air was like a slap in the face as Jamie opened the door for her and they stepped outside. He was tall, with curly brown hair and blue-grey eyes and if you listened carefully you could hear his Irish accent. It had faded a little after living around London for 15 years, much to his mother's despair. He and Emily had started the same day at Kensington Prep eight years ago and this was the first year they hadn't had the same age group. They had become fast friends, sharing notes and professional experience and generally looking out for one another. Jamie had just a month ago had his girlfriend Melanie move in, and they often went out on weekends as a group until recently. After ending a long term relationship Emily had felt a bit like a third wheel and had been spending time with girlfriends instead.

"Got plans for the weekend?" Jamie asked as they walked.

"I do tomorrow, I'm catching up with an old friend for lunch. It's been months and I'm really looking forward to it. You?"

"We're going out for drinks tomorrow night, you should come."

"Jamie, it's weird. It's like being a tag along. We see enough of one another at work."

"We need to get you a man," he said. "I have friends I could -"

"No. Thanks but no, not yet."

"Let me know when you're ready, I have a few suitable candidates."

"Yeah OK. I'll see you Monday morning,"

"Unless you change your mind."

Emily had a short walk to her small mews house. It was warm and light and she put down her bag and opened her laptop, letting it start up while she made a cup of tea. She was keen to get back to something she had been writing. It was an original fantasy, which was proving much more challenging than she had anticipated. She had done well with romances and suspense stories, but making up her own original universe was difficult. It was also the most fun she had had since she was a child playing pretend and making up stories in her head.

As she often did, Emily got lost in her writing and was surprised when she saw the time on her phone when it rang: 8:37pm. After a brief check in with Victoria, her mother, she made a toasted sandwich for dinner and went back to the laptop with a glass of wine.

Just after midnight her instant messaging beeped loudly, making her jump. She clicked on it and a window with a photo of Tom in it opened.

_Tom: What are you doing up so late?_

_Emily: Writing :) what are you up to?_

_Tom: Got home this afternoon and now I can't sleep so I'm reading. We still on for lunch tomorrow?_

_Emily: as long as you're awake!_

_Tom: I will be, it's been way too long._

_Tom: why does your Facebook say you're single?_

_Emily: did you just Facebook stalk me, Hiddleston?_

_Tom: you didn't answer the question. Did you and Liam break up?_

_Emily: yeah, a few weeks ago._

_Tom: I'm sorry darling. What happened?_

_Emily: we were fighting all the time, and then he cheated, and that was the end of it. I'm ok, I'm good. Really :)_

_Tom: you really think you can convince me with a smiley emoticon? Really?_

_Emily: lol no. Go to bed, tomorrow you can see for yourself._

_Tom: you should too, you'll get square eyes._

_Emily: yes dad. Shutting down now. Good night._

A few minutes later Emily laughed loudly when another message interrupted her train of thought.

_Tom: you forgot to log out so I'd think you'd actually gone to bed ;)_

_Emily: Damn!_

She closed the laptop and went upstairs, putting on her pajamas and getting in to bed. She was used to sleeping alone now, she and Liam hadn't lived together but she had usually spent a few nights a week with him. They were two years in, and she loved him, but they were very different and she had always feared that would be their ultimate demise. He was loud and obnoxious, a mechanic originally from Manchester. The polar opposite of Emily, a book nerd prep teacher with a degree in Classics who would rather be on the couch with a book than out at the pub. But they had been instantly attracted to one another and fell hard and fast, both hoping it would all just work out. In the end after months of being at one another's throats because they saw everything differently, and a drunken one night stand, it was all over. They had both agreed with heavy hearts that it was for the best to go their separate ways.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Emily woke with a start and then lay back down when she realised it was Saturday. Her bedroom was filled with light, she could tell the sun was higher than usual, and her clock said it was almost 8am. After a quick shower she put on jeans and a sweater and went downstairs for breakfast, writing a shopping list before she went out for groceries.  
It was icy again outside, even for November it was bitterly cold. Emily pulled her coat tight around herself and pulled on a beanie to walk to the local shops. Living in Fulham was on the expensive side, but she loved being so close to work, and the shops, and just far enough from the city. With the fridge and pantry stocked for the weekend she got ready for lunch with Tom. She changed her jeans for thick leggings and brown leather knee boots, adding a long sleeved blouse and a knitted sleeveless tunic. She pulled her caramel almost-blonde curly hair in to a side ponytail and put on a little makeup to accentuate her blue eyes. Looking in the mirror on her way out, she put on her hat, scarf, coat and gloves and walked to the tube. She was meeting Tom at a pub in London, close to his house and thankfully close to the tube. When she arrived he had already sent her a text saying he was there, and she looked around for him. He wasn't hard to find, the pub was fairly quiet and at 6'2" he certainly stood out. He was dressed in dark jeans, boots, blue shirt and leather jacket, and Emily marveled at how he had changed since they met.  
"Hello darling," he said, standing up and opening his arms for a hug. He bent and kissed her cheek, Emily wasn't short but she was nowhere near as tall as Tom. "How's things?"  
"Good, same old same old. I wouldn't have it any other way. I want to hear all about you!"  
"Ahh, where do I start?"  
"Last time I saw you Coriolanus was still running. Start there,"  
"Wow. Has it been that long? Well you know all about the films. Each one was so different to work on and such an amazing challenge. The one I just finished,"  
"The Hank Williams one?"  
"Yes, that damn near broke me. But it was such a thrill. I can't wait to see it but I'm really nervous about the reviews as well, and I'm not normally. So what are you working on at the moment?"  
"I assume you mean writing? I'm trying to write a fantasy novel. Not as easy as I thought."  
"You wouldn't have done it if you thought it was easy. Easy is not your style." He grinned. "I was reading your blog on the way home yesterday. That explains the turn in genre."  
"Haha yeah, I figured if I was going to read a heap of fantasy stuff I might as well review them! I had no idea you read my blog."  
"More often than you'd think. You're my first stop when I'm looking for something new to read."  
"I'm flattered. Imagine if the world knew about that!"  
"They could, if you like."  
"No thanks. I like being a nobody."  
"You're not a nobody, Emily. Far from it. So how is year five going?"  
Tom and Emily continued talking about work, life, family and friends. Their lives had run strangely parallel, they had first met when Tom was at Eton and Emily at Wycombe Abbey. Often now when she saw pictures of him dancing or at a ball she would chuckle to herself, he had been so awkward back then, but he had always made up for it with personality. Their first meeting was as part of rival debate teams, Emily's Wycombe team had won, which was a rare occurrence against the Eton boys, and Tom had been on the other team. She had also seen him in musical and theatre productions and at the social events the schools held. They had always had a friendly relationship, right from the beginning they were comfortable with one another and had never considered anything but a platonic relationship. He was familiar and comfortable to her, and her to him. They had continued to Cambridge together, both studying classics at Pembroke before Tom went off to RADA and Emily became a teacher.   
Girlfriends, boyfriends, work, family and life in general had got in the way of their fortnightly catch ups, they now happened whenever Tom was in London and they caught up with texts or IM in between. Tom valued Emily's friendship, she was a constant in his life and kept him grounded, and she didn't see Tom the celebrity, she saw Tom the dork from school.   
"When's the last time you had a good night out, Em?"  
"Hmm. A couple of months ago I guess, since I had a big night. Why?"  
"You look like you could do with one. Come out with me tonight."  
"Tom, we're already out now."  
"I mean out, out. Come dancing with me. Please?"  
"Ugh I hate dancing with you, I end up looking ridiculous."  
“If that happens you haven't drunk enough. Come out, stay at mine. I even have a bed in my spare room now. Please?"  
"I'd have to go home and get changed."  
"So do I. We can walk back to mine and I'll drive you."  
"Tom," she groaned. She would have preferred a night on the couch with a book. "OK."  
They walked back to Tom's house to get the car and she rolled her eyes when he opened the door. "Jag? Seriously?"  
"They gave it to me." He grinned. "It's so awesome."  
Emily had to admit the interior was gorgeous. The smell of the leather was beautiful, but she wouldn't admit that to Tom. They talked along the way and Emily directed him to her house. "So what happened with Liam?"  
"I told you. We were arguing all the time and he cheated on me. In the end our differences probably just got in the way I guess."  
"He was never right for you, Em. Nothing wrong with him, but he wasn't right for you."  
"Apparently not. Shame we didn't listen when everyone told us that in the beginning, huh?"  
"I am sorry though. I know you loved him."  
"I did, I do. I have to say I'm happy on my own though, doing my own thing. I've missed it. I am in no hurry to get back into anything."  
"You're not a little bit lonely?"  
"Are you?"  
"God yes. All the time. I mean I don't have time for relationships and I'm so busy, but sometimes... you know. It'd be nice to have something warm in the bed at the end of the day."  
"Like a hot water bottle?" Emily smirked. "Yeah I know what you mean. I just don't think it's worth the hassle. Then again I haven't been single for long!"  
They pulled in to Emily's house and Tom waited downstairs while she packed a bag. When she came down he was reading one of her stories she'd printed for a friend. "Can I borrow this?"  
"It's not really your style, Tom. It's a romance story. A kind of steamy one." She blushed.  
"Can I borrow it anyway?"  
"Yeah if you like," she sighed. "I'm ready to go."  
"Let's get this party started then,"  
"You did not just say that, you dork."


	3. Chapter 3

Back at Tom's house they ate quickly, and Emily changed into skinny jeans, heels and a green tank top with lace across the front. She removed her glasses, putting in contacts, and let her hair hang in loose curls down her back. When she emerged from the guest room Tom laughed.

"What's that for?"

"That transformation was very, um, you know the librarian fantasy that all teenage boys have? Where she takes off the glasses and lets her hair down and underneath the strict librarian there's a hot, sensual woman?"

"Right..."

"You don't see it, do you?"

"Nope. Let's go before I have to hear about what you wanted to do to your librarian."

"Come on, it was an all boys school. We had to daydream about something!"

Tom didn't drink to intoxication often. He was always wary of someone seeing something he'd have to explain later.

"You, miss Emily Bainbridge, are a terrible terrible influence on me." Tom said, grinning at her over his whiskey. "Just terrible."

"Yes, Tom. Who talked who in to this again? I was happy with a book on the couch but noooooo, you wanted someone to go out dancing. And now my feet hurt."

"It's ok, I'll carry you home," he winked. "Dance with me." He took her hands and literally dragged her back to the dance floor. He was an incredible dancer, and he knew it, and he loved leading Emily all over the floor. Emily was much better when she had enough to drink to take away her inhibitions, and before she knew it they were collapsing into a booth again at 2am.

"There's a guy over there checking you out,"

"Nope, he's probably gay and checking you out, Thomas."

"Hehehe I should go ask him. You might get lucky."

"Pass thanks. I like being on my own."

"Yeah so do I, but don't you sometimes just want to feel another warm body pressed up against yours? It's been so long, Em. I think I've forgotten how."

Emily laughed loudly as he put his forehead down on the table and reached over to ruffle his hair. "Poor sweet Thomas. All those fangirls throwing themselves at you and you can't sleep with any of them."

"Water fucking everywhere and not a drop to drink," he groaned. Suddenly he stood up and pulled Emily to her feet. "I need to burn off some more frustration."

"I'm done, my feet are going to fall off."

He sat back down. "We should head home then, come on."

The very short walk there had turned into a much longer stroll home, Emily had to stop and remove her shoes half way. "Gosh you're classy," Tom said. "You must fit right in in Fulham."

Emily laughed and continued walking barefoot. The ground was freezing under her feet and she found it soothing. Tom opened the door and they went inside, both stopping for a drink of water in the kitchen before sitting down on the couch. Tom pulled out the copy of Emily's story. "No!" She said, trying to snatch it from his hands.

"No no, I read some while you were getting dressed and I made some notes for you," he said playfully.

"I'll bet you did. Please Tom," Emily covered her face with her hands. "I'm so embarrassed I'm going to die!" He flicked through to about a third of the way. "Trust you to skip to the juicy bit!"

"Well, you did say it wasn't intended for me. The fluff is just... fluff." He smirked. "So the first time they kiss, he leans in slowly, and licks his lips..."

"Oh god I'm going to die," Emily groaned.

"What is she, a roast chicken? I can't say I've ever looked at a woman and licked my lips. Just saying. Anyway-"

"You don't wet your lips before you kiss a woman? No wonder you're single,"

"Well, I... never put this much thought into it. Maybe I'm doing it wrong!"

"Maybe. Can we stop now?"

Tom looked back down and continued reading aloud. "'He stared longingly in to her eyes, glancing down at her soft pink mouth and licking his lips as he leaned slowly toward her and met her lips with his. She was surprised at how soft he was and after a moment she sucked his bottom lip gently and felt his tongue part her lips'. Wow. Did you have someone to practice on when you wrote this? Or did you use your hand? Because you've put a lot of thought into this, I almost want to try his tactic and see if it works!" He looked at her playfully and she shoved his chest.

"Stop it!"

"Emily, are you blushing?" He lifted her chin so she was looking in to his face. "How does one stare 'longingly', exactly? Like this?" He furrowed his eyebrows. "Or is it more wistful, like this?" He cocked his head to one side and looked at her sideways, making her giggle. "Or is it more 'burning into your soul, Loki style', like this," he stared intently at her, his eyes literally burning into hers. They sat for what seemed a long time, neither of them wanting to break the gaze. Tom still had hold of Emily's chin, and he began to lean toward her. She laughed and pulled her face away when he licked his lips, but didn't break contact with his eyes, and put a hand on his chest when he kept coming toward her. She let out a squeak when their lips met, his lips were indeed soft and wet, and he very gently grazed his tongue along her bottom lip before he pulled away. Emily's face was burning when she looked back at him. He cleared his throat. "Like that?"

Emily looked down at the floor. "Please stop now, I'm wishing the ground would open up and swallow me!" She said with a hand over her face.

"I like it, actually. It's very descriptive. Very detailed. It's kind of hot." His eyes did burn in to hers this time, and she stood up.

"I'm going to bed before you read further and get more things you want to try out,"

"Aww you're no fun," he pouted. "Do you really think I haven't read the rest of that chapter already?"

"Goodnight, Tom."

"Will you sit back down if I stop reading?"

"Ugh. Damn you and you're neverending energy." She sat back down. "What do you want?"

"Just company. I really am kind of lonely."

"Well I'm not pressing my warm body against yours," Emily laughed.


	4. Chapter 4

"How is your family?" Tom asked.

"Ah, let's see. Lauren and Damien are both off to Cambridge next year. He's doing English and she's doing Science. Mum and dad are stoked of course, when they start that will make four from four that have been through there. Matthew is in Italy and loves it there. He and Bella are expecting a baby in a few months."

"So the twins did well being separated. I remember your mother worrying about whether to send them to the same school or Eton and Wycombe."

"They excelled, I think it was good for them. They're so close that I think sometimes it's good for them to be on their own. And obviously they saw a bit of one another at school. Watching them debate against one another was pretty awesome. Actually Damien wants to go into acting, he wants to go to RADA as well."

"He'd be good at it I think, I remember what he was like as a kid. Send him my way if he needs advice."

"That's really lovely of you, thank you. He's a big fan of yours. Actually I wonder sometimes if what he really wants is the fangirls rather than the acting career."

"Hehehe. He is a teenage boy, you can't expect too much focus!"

Emily yawned and laid her head down on Tom's shoulder. "Keep talking, I'm just resting my eyes."

He put his arm out so she could snuggle in and pulled her legs up on to his lap. After a few minutes he said "You're going to sleep, aren't you. Your breathing just changed."

"Mmm hmm," Emily said softly. "You're warm and cosy. And you smell good."

"Thanks," he chuckled. He looked down at her, brushing some stray hair down her back. Her head was tilted back ever so slightly and he could just see her face, her eyes were closed and her lips were touched by a slight smile. Tom leaned his head back on the couch, enjoying the weight and warmth of Emily in his lap. Swept up in the moment he looked back down and stroked her cheek softly and was encouraged when she leaned into his hand rather than pull away. He tipped her chin upwards and slowly leaned down to kiss her lips gently. Emily froze for a second, wondering what he was doing, but she couldn't deny his lips were soft and he tasted sweet, and it had been so long since she had been kissed. Before she knew it he had slipped his tongue tentatively between her lips and it mingled slowly with hers. She could feel his warm breath on her face, and could sense he was no longer afraid she might pull away as he kissed harder, eagerly exploring her lips and tongue. His hand went to the back of her neck, the other resting on her back. When he finally pulled away he rested his forehead on hers to catch his breath. "Sorry Em," he breathed. "I just-"

"Are you really? Sorry I mean?" She said softly.

He pulled his face back from hers so that he could look in to her eyes, and put a large hand on her neck and cheek. "No," he said huskily. He leaned in and kissed her again, more urgently, and she responded, putting a hand in his hair and one on his chest, breathing him in deeply. She had never wanted this, never considered it before tonight, but oh he felt good. He suddenly lifted her on to her feet and stood up, switching lights off as he led her to his bedroom. Emily hesitated in the doorway.

"If you don't want to... or you want me to stop... that's ok." He said quietly, standing in front of her. She looked up at him and began to unbutton his shirt. He ran his fingertips lightly over her pale toned shoulders and kissed her forehead. When she slid his shirt off his shoulders, Emily brought her mouth back to his eagerly, running her hands over his chest and shoulders. Tom slid one hand gently under the hem of Emily's top, feeling the goosebumps on her bare skin. He lifted it easily over her head and walked her to the bed, laying her down and kissing her neck. Emily moaned softly and tangled her fingers in his hair, feeling him breathe sharply against her skin. He playfully bit her nipple through her blue lace bra, making her gasp, and she trailed a fingertip over his neck, behind his ear and down to his muscled chest, tweaking a nipple with her fingers. He kissed her mouth again while he unclasped her bra and slipped it off her arms, exposing her firm breasts and kneading one with his hand. Emily arched into him, reaching her hand down over his abdomen and stroking the bulge in his jeans. He moaned in to her mouth and she unzipped his jeans, tugging them down so he could kick them off, exposing his erection. Kissing down her chest while she stroked him, he sucked a nipple hard into his mouth while he removed her pants, leaving her naked under him. He circled his tongue around her navel while he ran two fingers gently between her legs, parting them and finding her soft folds. Emily gasped loudly under him as he slid two long fingers inside her, tentatively at first until she rolled her hips up to meet him. Their lips met again and she took his shaft firmly in her hand, stroking hard as he explored her wetness and brushed his thumb over her clit. Trailing kisses down her neck again, he bit gently on her nipple and she bucked under him, trailing her fingertips lightly over his spine and up to his ear, tugging gently on his hair.

He reached to the nightstand for a condom, ripping it open with his teeth. Emily sat up and he removed his fingers from her to put it on while she kissed his neck and chest, running her tongue over his collarbone, sucking and biting on his nipple. Tom put a hand behind her back and lay her back down, guiding his tip to her entrance before sliding his length inside. She gasped at the feeling of fullness with him inside her, and he covered her mouth with his, mingling their tongues. Emily was already close to orgasm after a few minutes, and she could feel Tom quickening his pace, his thrusts becoming deeper and harder. She reached up and kissed his neck and he put his hand down to her clit, tipping her over the edge with a few more strokes and she shattered around him as he spasmed inside her. He kissed her again softly as his breathing slowed and then pulled away for a moment. When Tom lay back down Emily put her head on his chest, and he stroked up and down her spine while she went to sleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Emily rolled over, even the dull sunshine streaming in through the rain was enough to make her squint. She half opened her eyes, trying to orientate herself. _I was at Tom's. Where am I now? Oh god I'm naked, I'm in Tom's bed. Fuck._

She could feel him breathing against her neck, his warm body against her back. His warm naked body. She cringed. Of all the terrible ideas they'd ever had, that was most certainly the worst. Just as she was starting to wonder if she could sneak out and get dressed, he pulled her waist against him and propped himself on one elbow.

"Good morning, Emily,"

 _Damn._ "Good morning." She rubbed her eyes, trying to formulate a plan to regain her dignity, and sat up. Her clothes were near the door, there was no way to do this with any sort of modesty.

"How did you sleep?"

"Good actually, you?"

"Better than I have in a while." She could hear him smirk without even looking. "Emily, look at me."

She shook her head. "I can't. You're naked."

Tom laughed loudly. "I'm covered up to my shoulders, you're showing more skin than I am. Not that I mind. And you didn't mind last night. Look at me." She turned her head and opened one eye. "What's going on in your head? Are you wishing we hadn't?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. You know I've never lied to you and I won't start now. But I think that was probably a terrible idea."

"As I said though, you didn't mind at the time. It's done, Emily. We can just forget about it and move on, no need to dwell on it."

"I'm embarrassed. I don't do that, I never have. I value our friendship so much, Tom. I don't want to lose it."

"Em, it was just sex. Fun. That's it. Neither of us want a relationship right now, but we're both consenting and very attractive adults, so why not? Unless you do want more?"

"I don't, Tom. You're like a brother to me. We've been so close for so long, and I've never seen you like that until last night. That hasn't changed, I still don't see you as anything more than a friend."

"With benefits? We might have to ditch the brother analogy though, incest is no laughing matter." And then he laughed his warm charming laugh, and Emily couldn't help but join in.

"Friends with benefits? You know how that ends, don't you? Heartbreak. It doesn't work. We'd be throwing away years of friendship for what?"

"Amazing sex."

"Stop it." Emily giggled. "Could you turn over so I can get dressed?"

"Em, seriously. I've-" he thought better of it and rolled over. Emily went quickly to the guest room and got her clothes before having a shower. As the warm water washed over her the memory of the night before became clearer. _He was good. He was better than good._ She'd idly thought before that he probably would be. His kisses had been soft, his touch electrifying, and yet... something wasn't there. There was no butterflies like she used to get with Liam. She didn't feel any different this morning, aside from the total mortification. Having someone to spend the night with, have fun with, someone so familiar and who cared about her so much without being in love with her... maybe it could be a nice arrangement. It's not like they saw one another often anyway, a relationship would be impossible even if they wanted it. The more she thought about it the more the idea grew on her. When she turned off the shower she brushed her teeth, swept her hair in to a ponytail and went confidently back to Tom's room in only a towel. She wasn't surprised to find him still in bed.

"Is this actually what you want? Did you plan this or was it as spontaneous as it seemed?"

"Totally spontaneous, I promise. And I think it could be... mutually beneficial?"

"Settle down there Christian Grey. We have a friendship to protect here, remember."

"I know. And I would never do anything to jeopardise that. If I thought either of us had feelings invested I wouldn't even suggest it. But I don't think we do, and I think we're so honest with each other it might work. But I'm not putting any pressure on you, and I leave in two weeks anyway... Christian Grey? Really? You know I turned that down, right?"

"Yes, I do. And I'm glad, because he was perfect." She said wistfully. Tom gaped at her. "Oh come on. Pure eye candy. I sure as hell didn't watch it for the plot!" Emily paused. "What if one of us meets someone we do have feelings for?"

"Then we go back to being friends. Go home today and think about it, make a calculated decision."

"OK," Emily dropped her towel next to the bed and got back under the covers.

"What are you up to?" Tom asked when she lifted the sheet off him and looked him up and down.

"Making sure I have all the data for a calculated decision." Tom gaped in surprise as she put a leg over his and pulled him toward her so they were face to face. She kissed his mouth fervently and he put an arm around her waist, pressing her against him. Her hand trailed down his chest, grazing his nipple, and then over his abs and down to his erection. He groaned in to her mouth as she stroked him and felt him grow and harden in her hand. His hand went to her breast, kneading and rolling her nipple with his thumb. When she broke the kiss he put his lips to her neck and she put her head back, shivering as he planted kisses down to her breast, sucking the nipple into his mouth and biting gently. He moved a hand down between her thighs, smiling against her skin when he found her warm and slick. He pressed a finger between her folds and she drew a sharp breath as it slid easily inside her. Putting a hand on Tom's chest, she rolled him on to his back, retrieved a condom from the drawer and straddled his hips.

Emily looked down at him, taking in his muscled form, and noticed he was grinning up at her. Deftly she rolled the condom down his shaft while she kissed down from his chest, circling his navel before returning up to his neck and settling herself over him, his tip at her entrance. She sucked a nipple hard in to her mouth while she slid herself down on him, taking his whole length in one movement. He thrust up to her and threw his head back. "Fuck, Emily." She moved painfully slowly up and down his shaft, savouring every second, and let go of the uncertainty in her mind. He did feel amazing, he hit all the right spots inside her. She kissed his mouth again, feeling his rapid breath on her face, and grazing her teeth gently over his tongue. When she felt him thrusting up to her and knew they were both close, she pushed back against his chest and sat upright. He kneaded her breast with one hand and used the other on her clit, it was only a matter of minutes before she shattered around him, throwing her head back and grinding her hips down on him, feeling him explode inside her as he gripped her hips.

Emily lay down on the bed next to Tom, catching her breath. "Mm. We are quite good at that, aren't we?" She said. Tom laughed breathlessly.

"We sure are. Maybe we should do it often."

"We'll see. I have to get back, I have some work to finish up for tomorrow."

"See, just like that. Amazing sex, good friendship, no mess. We got this."

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Emily was home in time for lunch, and after a sandwich she finished her prep for the week quickly so she could get back to reading. Her blog was mostly reviews and writing articles, she was due to post another book review at the end of the week and was only just getting into the book. A few minutes in she opened her laptop to make some notes for her own writing, and saw a message pop up from Tom.

_Tom: all done working?_

_Emily: yes, just reading now. What are you doing?_

_Tom: nothing actually. I was meant to have dinner with Luke but he's not well. Thought I might get Chinese and have a quiet night._

_Emily: Mmm Chinese. Sounds good._

_Tom: want to join me? ;)_

_Emily: lol no. I have good Chinese down the street and I can talk to you on the phone._

_Tom: I've got a better idea. Don't go anywhere._

_***Tom is offline***_

Emily had spent most of the day keeping herself occupied so she didn't think about Tom. She was still a little uneasy about the idea, but every time he popped in to her head she grinned and blushed like a hormonal teenager. She was only half surprised when he turned up at her door with Chinese.

"I could pretend to be surprised, but I won't. What did you get me?"

"Honey chicken of course. Still your favourite I hope."

"Haha yes it is. You can come in then. Would you like a drink."

"Just water please, I have to drive back to London."

"Water it is. Have a seat," she smiled. She was relieved that there was no awkwardness at all between them, everything was the same. They sat on the couch and talked while they ate. Emily told Tom all about her new work and the world she was creating, and he told her all about his new film. Just after nine Tom stood up and cleared off the table.

"I should get going, I have a meeting in the morning."

"OK. So you have next weekend and then you're gone again until Christmas?" Emily stood up to see Tom out.

"Yes," he pulled her into a tight hug, resting his chin on her head. "I could stay, maybe another hour or so..."

"Really," Emily looked up in to his face.

"Only if you want me to," Tom said softly. Emily put a hand behind his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers, sucking his bottom lip gently between her teeth. She broke the kiss quickly and took Tom's hand, taking him upstairs to her bedroom. He undressed her quickly and then removed his shirt and pants, laying down under the covers and pulling her to him. Her hand went straight to his erection, stroking it and his balls gently, and Tom's mouth went to her neck. He kissed and sucked and nibbled down from behind her ear, over the throat and collarbone to her chest, kissing over both breasts and sucking a nipple into his mouth, holding it almost to the point of pain. He kneaded her other breast with one hand while the other went down her abdomen and between her thighs, parting her soft folds gently.

Tom pushed Emily on to her back and slipped one finger inside, making her writhe beneath him, he slowly explored her, looking for the right spot, and she moaned loudly when he found it, arching her back and searching for his shaft with her hand. He used two fingers to stimulate her, his thumb making slow circles around her clit, and his mouth biting, sucking and licking all over her breasts and neck. He kissed her mouth softly and knew she was close to climax when she kissed him back hungrily, moaning deeply into his mouth and tugging gently on his hair. Tom kept up the same slow pace until she bucked into his hand and he felt her contract around him, her moans strangled by his mouth. After a couple of minutes he slid his fingers out of her and paused for protection before rolling on top of her and sliding his length inside her. He could feel her still spasming a little around him, he lifted her hips up to meet him and penetrated deep inside, relishing the groan he elicited from deep in her throat. She reached up and kissed his neck, nibbling gently on his ear before she moved down to his throat and chest, biting gently on his nipple. She returned to trail her tongue gently over the sensitive spot near his collarbone when his thrusts became uneven and she could feel he was close. He lifted her hips further, changing the angle and making her cry out when he rubbed over her g-spot with his tip. She dug her nails into his shoulders as he thrust in to her again and again, finally finding his release inside her and tipping her over the edge, making her convulse around him.

When Tom withdrew and sat on the edge of the bed, Emily rolled toward him sleepily, running her hand over his back and giving him goosebumps. He stood up and got dressed, but when she sat up in bed he leaned in and kissed her lips softly. "Stay there, darling. I can let myself out." Emily agreed, only because she wasn't sure her legs would support her on the stairs, and he dressed and left, kissing her again before he went out the door. "I'll switch off the lights and lock the door. And I'll call you tomorrow."

"OK. You don't have to, just call me when you can, like you always do. And drive safe."

"I will. Sweet dreams," she couldn't see his face but could tell he winked before he turned and left. She heard his car start up moments later, but was asleep before he pulled away.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

When Emily woke up the next morning it was pouring rain and she already had a message from Jamie saying he would pick her up at 8 for work. She sighed and stretched out under the covers, a grin spreading across her face when she realised she was still naked. What a weekend. After a shower she dressed in a navy suit with a pale blue shirt and put her hair up in a loose bun. Putting on her glasses she looked in the mirror and laughed out loud, remembering Tom's librarian analogy. She snapped a quick photo to send to him later and went downstairs to have breakfast and pack her bag. At 8 o'clock she put on her coat and wrapped a scarf around her neck and closed the door behind her. Jamie was just pulling up and she ran through the rain to the car.

"Good morning! Thanks so much for this."

"It's no trouble, Emily. You're on the way."

"How was your weekend?"

Jamie shrugged.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just, I don't know. Mel and I had a fight. Actually we had a couple. We can talk about it when we get there."

A few minutes later they were seated in Emily's classroom with hot coffee. "Spill it, Jamie. What's going on?"

"We were talking about things on Saturday. You know, marriage and kids. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, thinking about proposing."

"Really? I had no idea!"

"Yeah well apparently we're not at all on the same page. She only moved in to make me happy, and she really wants to do some travelling before she settles down, which she wants to be a long way in the future. And she wants to do it alone. She's been planning a trip to Australia in a few months, with a friend, and I only heard about it yesterday. I don't actually think she's in love with me."

"Gosh, Jamie I'm so sorry. You guys looked so happy."

"I thought we were. After the way she was talking last night I don't think she will be there when I get home." Emily's heart broke for him, he looked so sad and hurt. She had always got along well with Melanie, but at the same time wasn't entirely surprised at her reluctance to commit. She reached out and took his hand.

"Whatever you need I'm here. And whatever happens you'll get through it."

"Thanks, Emily. It's almost 8:30, I should go. Can I give you a lift home?"

"That would be lovely, thanks. I'll see you this afternoon."

At lunch Emily checked her phone and found a message from Tom. She was surprised to find she hadn't thought about him since this morning. Maybe this 'arrangement' would work well. She was in a startlingly good mood today, even her students had noticed.

_Tom: I have the afternoon free, can I pick you up? I'd love to see your school if you have time?_

Emily hesitated. She had promised Jamie, and she had a feeling Melanie wouldn't be there when he got home. If she was going to support him she needed to be available.

_Emily: Actually I have plans with a friend who's having a rough time. Another day perhaps?_

_Tom: Absolutely. Hope you're having a good day._

_Emily: I just remembered I took a picture for you this morning, hold on._

She sent him the picture she had taken that morning.

_Tom: Rawr ;) smart AND sexy. Good thing it's an all girls school._

Emily laughed as she put away her phone and went back to her classroom for the afternoon.

"Tomorrow, remember your library books please. And those debating tomorrow you have your topics, please be prepared for tomorrow morning." She stopped and looked a little surprised as Jamie walked into the room. "Girls please say good afternoon to Mr Sawyer."

"Good afternoon Mr Sawyer,"

"Good afternoon girls. Look at you all listening patiently for the bell to ring," he smiled.

"OK my lovelies I will see all your smiling faces in the morning," Emily said as the bell rang and the girls filed out the door. "Oh, you have relief on Mondays afternoon! I wondered why you were so early."

"Yeah, sorry. I was ready to go so I thought I'd just head over. I've been talking to Mel... she's gone. She moved out today."

"Oh Jamie, I'm sorry." She pulled him into a tight hug. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I don't think so. How did this happen in just two days?"

"I don't know. I'm so sorry. Come over later and I'll cook you dinner."

"OK,"

Jamie dropped Emily off at home and returned just after 6, right as Emily's phone rang. She opened the door for him and then answered the phone with an apologetic look. "Hi Tom. What's up?"

"I have news I need to share with someone I can trust. Are you ready?"

"Yes, is it long news?"

"Sorry are you busy?"

"I have a few minutes. And you have to tell me now!"

"I have a meeting with Kevin and Joss tomorrow. To discuss a Loki film."

"That's amazing news! How exciting! I want to hear all about it tomorrow."

"Maybe you can come in for dinner?"

"Gee I don't know, it's a school night... yeah of course we can do that. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Love the picture by the way."

Emily blushed, "thanks. I knew you'd like that. Tom, I'm sorry I have to go but I'll see you tomorrow."

"OK, bye."

"So who's Tom?" Jamie asked.

Emily laughed. I _f only you knew._ "Tom is an old friend, we've known one another since school."

"You just blushed like a beetroot."

"There's nothing going on there. He's like a brother. We don't see one another often, his work takes him all over the place. Just something embarrassing that happened yesterday."

"That's who you were seeing Saturday night in London?"

"Yeah, he's only in town for the week." Emily didn't tell people that she was close to Tom. It wasn't deliberate, she just didn't want anyone to see her differently or ask questions about him. He trusted her inherently, knew she would never talk to anyone about him, and she would never jeopardise that trust. "We're having pasta and it's almost ready. Would you like wine?"

"Yes. Please. Lots of it."

"Are you planning on sleeping on my couch or walking home?"

"Neither. So how about just a glass."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emily asked as she handed him a glass and a bottle of merlot.

"I don't think there's a lot to talk about. She's made up her mind, it's done, I don't get a say. I honestly don't think she loves me. I'm not sure she ever did."

"Here's to getting out of incompatible relationships then?" She raised her glass.

"Now that's worth drinking to."

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Emily was already standing before the events of the night before returned to her with force. She normally didn't drink more than one glass of red wine, and the migraine she was now feeling was the reason. They had gone through two bottles between them and Jamie was asleep on the couch downstairs. She went to her handbag and took some migraine meds to take the edge off before she got in a warm shower.

She was surprised to find Jamie had already left, a note left on the bench saying he would be back at 8 to pick her up for work. Sitting at the bench she thought about breakfast and decided against it, instead getting an ice pack for her forehead and laying on the couch. At 7:55 she got up and retrieved her bag and more painkillers and stood outside to wait for Jamie.

"Ohhh, are you ok?" He asked when she sat down and put a hand over her eyes.

"Migraine," Emily groaned.

"Should you be going to work?"

"Probably not but it's self inflicted. I think I'll be ok."

"Oh shit I'm sorry. I didn't mean for us to drink that much."

"It's not your fault, I know better. I'll be fine, really. We'll have a quiet day," she smiled weakly.

"I'm shouting you a coffee on the way. Thanks for last night, we haven't had much chance to do that recently."

"We haven't. It was good to catch up a bit. Next time we'll do it without the wine though. Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, bit of a headache but I'm good. Actually why don't we get out between morning tea and lunch and do something with both classes? Give you a bit of a break, and I have a TA so we'll have more than enough supervision."

"That sounds good actually. Do you have something in mind?"

"Let me think about it, you rest your brain."

"Thanks," she leaned back for the rest of the ride, only opening her eyes when they parked.

The morning went by without any fuss, Emily's class were happy to do some independent reading and then they had library time which was blissful. After recess they went outside with Jamie's class where they were paired off and had to use their problem solving and mentoring skills to play games against other pairs. By lunch Emily was actually feeling a bit better, enough to at least get her through the afternoon. She stayed in her classroom to eat and was checking her messages when Jamie brought her a sandwich.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"A bit better. Thanks for that, my girls really enjoyed it."

"So did mine. They don't get to mingle with the older girls much."

"Oh no," Emily put a hand over her face. "I'm meant to go out tonight for dinner. In London. Argh, there's no way I can go." She had just seen a message from Tom.

_Tom: anywhere special you'd like to eat tonight? My treat and we can get in pretty much anywhere on a week night._

_Emily: I'll give you a call when I finish work but would you mind terribly if we postponed? I have a migraine._

_Tom: of course. Why are you at work with a migraine though, shouldn't you be at home in bed?_

_Emily: I don't have the vomiting or anything just a blinding headache and my vision isn't great. I'm ok. This is why I don't normally drink red wine :(_

_Tom: ah I see, so it's a self inflicted migraine? If so I retract my sympathy ;) seriously though I can come look after you if you like?_

_Emily: yes it's self inflicted. Really I'm ok, I'll just go home and go to bed. No sympathy or looking after necessary._

"Emily?"

"Huh? Sorry, Jamie. I haven't heard a word you just said. I was just postponing dinner."

"I just asked if it was important, and if you'd like me to bring you dinner or something tonight,"

"Oh, no its ok. And it was just a catch up with Tom, we'll reschedule for later in the week."

_Tom: I'm not sure I can do dinner again until Friday. Would I be overstepping if I asked you to spend the weekend in London with me before I leave again?_

_Tom: Emily?_

_Tom: Emily? If it's too much just say no. It's ok. No pressure._

_Emily: sorry I was holding two conversations at once. Friday is fine, I'll come in on the tube after work and bring enough clothes to stay until Sunday. When do you leave?_

_Tom: Monday morning. I'll be back for a few days over Christmas and then not again until February, except for a weekend here and there._

_Emily: I'll see you on Friday then, I'll let you know when I'm on the tube._

"Thanks so much Jamie, you've been awesome today," Emily said as she exited his car that afternoon.

"You're welcome. Feel better and I'll see you tomorrow. Let me know if you need a ride."

Emily went inside and put down her bag, not bothering with the lights and going straight upstairs. She put on her warm pajamas and got under the covers, snuggling in to her pillow and closing her eyes.

* * *

 

The following days Emily was thankful to feel normal again, and before she knew it it was Friday morning. She packed an overnight bag to take to work so she could go straight to London.

"What's the bag for?" Jamie asked when they arrived at school.

"I'm going straight to the city after work,"

"To see Tom?"

"Yes, we had to reschedule dinner so I'm going tonight."

"You're taking an overnight bag. And you're staying with him?"

"Calm down, I'm staying in his guest room. We're just friends, Jamie."

"Can we do something on Saturday night?"

"Uh. I'm not sure. I'll let you know?"

"OK. Were you going to stay in London until Sunday?"

"Yeah actually I was. We can catch up on Sunday night if you like?"

"No I have a family dinner. It's ok though, I'll see you on Monday. Have a great weekend!"

"I will. You too. If you need to talk or anything just call me, ok?"

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

"Hello, darling," Tom said when he opened the door. "Is this for my benefit or did you come straight from work?" He gestured to her outfit. It was her usual work attire, a pantsuit and blouse with her hair up.

"This is what I wear to work, Tom. You're just seeing what you want to see."

"We have dinner reservations at 7," he said. "Why don't you get changed and I'll get us a drink?"

"Perfect," Emily said. She took her bags upstairs, hesitating before putting them in the guest room. Putting her things in his bedroom felt too much like girlfriend territory. She changed into a pair of wide leg black dress pants, black camisole and red blazer, adding some jewellery and heels. She let her hair out, combing her fingers through it and sweeping it into a loose low ponytail, allowing a few curls to fall around her face.

When she came back downstairs Tom was arranging cheese and biscuits on a platter and had a bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table, in front of the smouldering fire. "So how did the meeting with Joss and Kevin go?" Emily asked, sitting down next to him on the couch.

"We're actually doing it, Emily. They're going to make a Loki film. I'm so excited I can hardly believe it. It's still very early stages, though. You're the only person I'm game to tell."

"That is such fantastic news, Tom. I'm so excited for you! And I feel privileged that you trust me." She smiled. "I'm really happy for you, you've worked so hard on Loki, you've earned this."

"I do trust you. You're one of very few people I know I can tell anything and you'll never talk. I would trust you with my life, Em." He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"We should go or we'll be late," he stood up and took her hands, leading her to the car.

* * *

 

"Emily," she heard Tom call from upstairs after dinner. "Why are your bags in the guest room?"

"Well, I'm a guest, aren't I?"

He came back down and stood in front of her. "You're not sleeping with me?"

"Well I don't know, Thomas."

"I don't want to be presumptuous, you know that. But you're here for the weekend. I hoped you'd be sleeping... with me,"

"I just... there have to be boundaries here, Tom. I'm not your girlfriend. I don't need to share your bedroom."

"So, we can have sex in my bed but then you're going back to the guest room?"

"Not necessarily. You're reading too much in to it, I just wanted my own room to get dressed!"

"I um, yeah. Sorry. I thought you were going to get up and leave as soon as... and sleep next door like a... I don't want that. It makes it feel cheap. You are not just sex to me, Emily. You're more like... I don't know. What's between that and girlfriend?"

"Mmm, companion?"

"Exactly! Can we please just go to bed now?"

"No,"

"Oh. Is something wrong?"

"Your foreplay, Tom. It needs work." Emily grinned as he walked toward her and kissed her mouth hard, his tongue immediately parting her lips and searching for hers. Without breaking the kiss he unbuttoned her blazer and slipped it off on to the chair behind her, sliding a warm hand up under her camisole and kneading her breast, the other hand stroking her throat and neck. Their lips parted and he gazed down into her eyes, she was already panting.

"Now you can take me to bed," she said walking toward the stairs. Tom switched off the lights and followed, by the time he got to the bedroom Emily was already standing naked in the soft glow of the dimmed lights, and he pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of his pants before he reached her. He bent his head to kiss behind her ear, trailing his tongue lightly down over her throat and kissing her neck. He kissed over her collarbone and chest, stopping occasionally to suck lightly, moving down between her breasts, kneading one in his hand and his mouth went to the other, sucking the nipple into his mouth and circling it with his tongue. A loud moan escaped from deep in Emily's throat when his teeth grazed over her nipple, and he moved to the other side. Kneeling in front of her, he kissed and licked down under her breasts, over her abs and down her sides, making her shiver. He ran his tongue around her navel, then moved lower, she could feel his hot breath on her folds and shudders washed over her. He used his hands to part her thighs and then held tightly to her hips while he ran his tongue softly over her wet slit. Emily thought her legs might buckle under her, the feeling was exquisite every time his tongue made contact with her skin. Tom moved one hand from her hip to slip one finger inside, making her gasp, and after a few minutes of wonderfully slow attention she couldn't take any more.

"Tom, please, ah,"

"Please what?" He said, not stopping his hands.

"Please take me,"

Tom didn't need to hear it twice, he slid his finger out slowly, planted a kiss on her centre and stood up, laying her back on to the bed beneath him. Emily's hand immediately went to his erection, finding it full and ready, and she continued stroking while he opened the condom for her to roll down his shaft, taking her time and using a firm hand. When she was done she guided his tip to her entrance and he thrust his length inside her, slow and deep. It was only a few minutes before tension began to pool in her stomach again and she knew she was close to orgasm. She reached her mouth up to his neck, sucking and licking down to his chest and taking his nipple gently in to her mouth, sucking and circling lazily with her tongue while his thrusts became faster. When she felt his ragged breath on her neck she sucked his nipple harder, biting gently with her teeth and pulling his hips hard in to her. "Oh, god, Emily," he said as he thrust hard in to her, shattering her around him and releasing himself inside her. He felt her muscles contract around him as his shaft spasmed and softened inside her, and when he had caught his breath he withdrew from her and lay down, his arm outstretched so she could lay her head on his chest.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Emily was curled up in a chair under the window, sunlight just barely illuminating her book. She heard Tom walking around upstairs and waited for him to come down.

"You're up early," he said from the doorway.

"I was going for a run, it's so nice and sunny outside. This is as far as I got." Emily laughed. "I may have to steal this chair, it's so comfy!"

"That's my favourite spot, it's the first place I go when I come home. The light, and the chair, it's my little bit of heaven."

"I can see why. I thought after breakfast I'd go for a wander around Hyde park, would you like to join me?"

"Sounds lovely," he said. "It's been really great seeing you, Emily. It's been way too long."

"Well you got more out of this trip home than you bargained for, didn't you?" she smirked. "It has been good to catch up. I miss all the fun we used to have, before we all went our separate ways."

"Me too. I don't want anything to come between us, OK? If you think it's getting weird, I want you to tell me. I would sooner be celibate the rest of my life than lose our friendship."

Emily chuckled. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that!"

"Breakfast?" Tom said.

"The table is set, the kettle is boiled, I was just waiting for you to get your lazy butt out of bed!"

"Says the woman who was allegedly going running but didn't even make it to the door?"

"Shush, Hiddleston."

* * *

 

Emily sipped on a takeaway coffee as they strolled through the park. There was a stark contrast in temperature between here and Fulham where it was already bitterly cold, and she was comfortable in jeans and a hoodie with converse sneakers.

"So," she said to Tom. "When are you going to introduce me to Chris Evans?"

"Really?" he turned and looked at her. "God look at you, falling all over yourself like a teenager. You know he's not actually a superhero, right? He doesn't always look like that."

"Oh I know. What sort of terrible fan would only have seen him in one role?"

"I can, if you like. All jokes aside he's a great guy, good Catholic upbringing, smart,"

"Well built."

"I guess, if you're in to that sort of thing." he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I think you're probably more than enough celebrity for me to handle." she sighed. "A nice normal man will do me, thanks."

"Are you saying I'm abnormal?"

"Yes, I am. There's no way I could handle being chased everywhere by fans and photographers. I mean, going to events with you is different, but anyone who actually dates you has my sympathy."

"Gee thanks."

"You know what I mean. I'm sure having you would negate it all, but it's not for me."

"You'll just be mine in the bedroom and an old friend by day?"

"Yes," she smiled up at him. "So you haven't dated anyone recently? Not even been interested?"

"Not since Kat, no. I'm not even sure that counts, it was over before it began! I think I've just kind of closed it off for now, it's one of those things I don't have the time for. Like... a puppy."

"A puppy? Ok. You don't think you might wake up in a cold bed in ten years and wish you'd got a puppy when you had the chance?"

"Yes and no," he sighed.

"How long are you back for Christmas?"

"Four days. That's it. I'll be back on set before New Year's. I don't even think I'll come home, I might as well spend the whole time at mum's."

"And then you're back at the beginning of February?"

"Yes. Only for a couple of weeks though and then I'm off on a promo tour I think. I can't remember. Do you have plans for Christmas?"

"Just going to mum and dad's for a few days. Looking forward to it actually, it will be the first time we've all been together since last Christmas. Even Matt and Bella are coming."

"I don't know if I'll get to see you, but I'll try. I'd like to."

"Tom, spend time with your family. I'm not going anywhere. We'll catch up when you're back next time."

He sighed again. "What's on your mind, Thomas?"

"Ah, nothing. How about some lunch?"

They sat inside near the bar with a view over the water. The sun streamed through the glass making it beautifully warm inside, and they shared a pizza.

"Do you remember last time we were here?" Tom asked, sipping his beer.

"Um... remind me?"

"We were here after I got accepted to RADA. You don't remember?"

"Ohhh. The boats! I don't think I've laughed that much in my life! How is it that out of six of us only the two girls could row in a straight line? My god that was funny."

"We just didn't want you to look silly when we rowed circles around you and still won the race."

"You keep telling yourself that,"

"Shame they're not open in winter, we could have a rematch."

"When it gets warmer, I'm taking you up on that. I could still beat you. It was very obvious that you were too busy acting at Eton to join the rowing team."

"You might actually find that I tried, and was so ridiculously bad at it that they sent me away." he laughed. "And that was only having to use one oar!"

"Tom Hiddleston, ladies and gentleman. Winner of the best villain award, stealer of hearts the world over, and beaten by a girl in a row boat."

Tom laughed his warm infectious laugh. "Are we going out again tonight?"

"I don't know, are we?" Emily teased. "Might as well get in some drunken dancing before you go. If that's what you feel like."

"I feel like some fun," he winked. "So let's start with drinks and dancing,"

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

"You look surprised, darling."

"I am surprised. You're a member at Annabel's, and you didn't tell me to dress for Annabel's, Tom. If you'd told me we were coming here-"

"You're dressed perfectly. Trust me. I only like it because I don't have to worry about who's watching." Emily eyed him warily. "Watching my dancing, Emily. Get your mind out of the gutter."

He ushered her inside. She had heard about it before, but only that it was members only and elite and exclusive. Emily wouldn't have thought it was Tom's style at all, but looking around she could see why he liked it. Same music, same drinks, same people having fun but less of them. It wasn't packed with people squashed in like sardines, and they could actually hold a conversation. She could feel Tom's eyes on her as she removed her leather jacket, revealing a dusty pink silk sleeveless blouse. Short ruffles decorated the deep V-neck and the racer back showed off her smooth skin. Teamed with tight black pants, nude heels and with her hair in a loose bun, Emily felt something she didn't feel often. She felt sexy. When Tom came close behind her and whispered "Wow," in her ear, she believed him.

He got their drinks and they found a couch to sit on, but before she could go for a second she was dragged to the dance floor. Tom kept her close, trying not to put his hands all over her but keeping her within reach. When Emily's feet couldn't take any more they went to get another drink and realised they had been dancing for over an hour. At least she could stop feeling guilty about not exercising this morning.

"Gosh you're gorgeous," Tom said as they found somewhere to sit.

"Cocktails go right to your head, don't they." Emily said back, and he nodded emphatically.

She felt her phone buzzing in her bag and pulled it out, realising she had three missed calls from Jamie. "Shit, sorry. I need to take this, I'll be right back." heading in the direction of a quieter area, she dialled Jamie's number.

"Hey, Jamie. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Oh, are you out? I didn't mean to interrupt, I just felt really miserable."

"It's ok, I said you could call me any time, and I meant it. What's going on?"

"Mel just came over to get some more stuff. She's seeing someone else, I think that might be why she moved out so quickly. Apparently she wasn't cheating, but she must have met him before last weekend."

"Gosh, Jamie. I'm so sorry. I can come home if you like, I can be there in an hour?"

"No, don't be silly. Where are you?"

"Ah, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. I'll tell you all about it when I see you. Do you want to hang out tomorrow evening?"

"Yes, that would be nice. I'm really sorry I interrupted."

"Jamie it's fine, really. Are you sure you're OK? I can't say anything to make it better, but that really sucks."

"I'm good. Go have some fun, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm bringing dinner this time."

"OK. Call me if you need me, I don't mind."

"Thank you Emily."

She went back to Tom, feeling a little torn. She shook it off, reminding herself she would see Jamie tomorrow and make it up to him.

"Everything OK?"

"Yes. Sorry, just a friend. Everything's fine, he just needed a sympathetic ear."

He put his hand out and bowed slightly.

"Can I finish my drink first? Where do you get your energy?" Tom shrugged and sat back down impatiently, and then decided he might as well have another drink while he was waiting. Emily was surprised when he came back with one in each hand just as she was finishing hers. "I thought you wanted to dance?"

"I do, but I like it when you're uninhibited. And I figured I'd twirl you into submission and then take you home." He winked.

"You're verging on Christian Grey again there, Hiddleston. Settle down." Emily laughed. She looked in to his bright blue eyes, they sparkled intensely when he was happy. Her eyes trailed down to his thin soft lips, the stubble around his chin, and down his long neck. He was wearing a blue button shirt, and she could see the way the buttons strained just slightly over his taut chest. She wet her lips, not realising he was watching her, and dragged her gaze slowly back up to meet his eyes again.

He tilted his head to one side. "What was that?"

"I- nothing. You have the most beautiful blue eyes. When you're happy they actually sparkle like they're full of pixie dust. Like a thousand sapphires."

"Hehe. Thanks."

"And the rest of you isn't bad either. You know me and every other woman here can't help but watch you when you dance? More specifically, your butt."

"Really?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Really. And I'd kind of like to rip that shirt off you right here, but I will restrain myself if I don't drink any more."

"See why I got the third cocktail? Dance with me." He stood up and led her to the dance floor. This time he didn't keep his hands off her, and by the time he was ready to leave Emily sighed with relief.

Back at Tom's house he took her straight to the bedroom, undressing her quickly on the bed and kissing her eagerly. He kneaded her breast while she slid his pants off and unbuttoned his shirt, running her hands over his smooth firm chest, down his abdomen to his erection. He slid two fingers in to her and she responded quickly, arching up to meet him and biting on his neck, stroking him firmly. He stopped for protection before guiding his shaft inside her. He held back as long as he could, sliding slowly in and out of her while sucking hard on her nipple, but when she took hold of his hips and pulled him in to her he couldn't wait any longer. Slipping a hand down her abdomen he stimulated her clit while he thrust quickly in to her, she put her mouth over his nipple and sucked it between her teeth, biting down gently. In a matter of minutes he exploded inside her, the feeling tipping her over the edge and making her shudder and contract around him. She breathed raggedly into his neck for a few minutes before he kissed her softly and lay down next to her, pulling her head to his chest.

"Fuck, Emily. I've wanted to do that all day." He whispered when he heard her breath become sleepy and heavy.

"Me too," she said, snuggling her head in to his chest.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

While she showered, Emily thought about Christmas, and the coming weeks, knowing she wouldn't see Tom again until February. She felt satiated, a little sore but good sore. She giggled when she noticed a small bruise on her breast and another near her navel, she hadn't had a love bite since she was a teenager. Warm water soothed her sore muscles and her aching head, and she dried off feeling refreshed. She had a sneaking suspicion Tom would want her to stay as long as possible, but she had work to do at home and then she was having dinner with Jamie. Poor Jamie, he had sounded so miserable when she spoke to him last night.

She walked softly to the guest room and dressed in leggings and a warm sweater, putting on her long boots and leaving her hair out to dry. She peeked in on Tom, he was still sleeping soundly so she went downstairs for a cup of tea and some more reading.

Tom came down and found her a while later, curled up in his favourite chair with a cup of tea and a book. "Hey," he said softly. He walked over and sat in front of her on the floor and she played with his hair idly and continued reading.

"Are you ok, Tom?" She asked after a few minutes.

"Yes, just enjoying this. The room, the light, you."

"Nothing is bothering you?"

He sighed.

"Something is bothering you, Tom. What is it?"

He turned to face her and crossed his legs. "Something you said, about worrying if I'm going to wish I hadn't given up everything for work."

"What the hell do I know, I'm sleeping with my best friend and haven't yet had a successful relationship. Don't take anything I say seriously."

"You're right, though. I'm probably going to wake up one day in a few years and wish I had someone next to me. I'll be hugely successful and all alone."

"Tom, when the right girl comes along, you won't have a choice. You'll suddenly be prepared to give it all up if she asks you to. Love, real love, doesn't give you the option of not pursuing it. Stop worrying, it will work out."

"Your wisdom is wasted on ten year old girls."

Emily laughed. "It's not actually. I was giving one of them relationship advice just last week when a boy broke her heart."

"You didn't tell her to give up school when she met the right boy though, I assume?"

"No, I actually told her exactly what I just told you. Stop worrying, it will all work out. Now, do you want some breakfast?"

"I was hoping we might go out for brunch before you have to go. Then I'll drive you home."

"OK. Are you going out like that or putting a shirt on first?"

"I don't know, do you want to go straight home or take the scenic route?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Mmm... go like that, then. I like the rugged look." She said, calling his bluff.

* * *

Over pancakes and coffee they talked more about their time at Pembroke and school. From being forced to dance together at social events, to dreaming about meeting their own prince when they were back in the dorms at Wycombe. Living at Cambridge and suddenly being allowed to mix with the opposite sex, sneaking around one another's rooms in their first year felt like such an adventure, even when there was nothing more than friendship involved. Tom had always felt comfortable to Emily, she was a shy young woman when they became friends and began studying together, and she always spoke to him easily. He had always made her laugh, and always loved to make her laugh. They laughed and cringed over their first relationships, every one of them ending in heartbreak and devastation worse than the last, and every time there was less of a gap before the next true love came along.

"It's a wonder none of yours have sold their story," Emily said.

"Gosh you make it sound like I was with a different girl every week! I had some quite lasting relationships! And one of them has already tried. Sordid details and all,"

"How did you shut that one down?"

"We talked, I told her I had nothing to hide, she would only be ruining her own reputation. She was a smart woman, it was pretty easy."

"You probably charmed her pants off one last time for memory's sake. Who was it?"

"I did no such thing. You'd remember her, she studied with us a fair bit in second year,"

"Susie?"

"Hehehe a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, Emily."

"No but apparently Susie does! Gosh, imagine how you'd feel now, being one of the girls in school or uni on the other end of Tom Hiddleston's... love." Emily giggled.

"You should know, I vaguely remember interrupting you and Eddie Redmayne at a party once."

Emily's eyes widened. "When?"

"Hmm... third year I think? He was a friend of someone else's, a year below us?"

She clapped a hand over her mouth. "That was Eddie Redmayne? Are you sure?"

"Um, yes. Absolutely certain. I caught you making out in the stairwell."

"Yes Tom I recall the event quite clearly. You reminded me about it daily for months. I didn't know who he was though!"

"Little harlot you were," Tom teased. "Something to tell the girls at news time tomorrow?"

"Ah, no. I think I'll keep that little tidbit to myself. They don't even know about you. Can you imagine how much cooler I'd be if they did?"

"You can tell them, I don't mind. About us being friends I mean, keep the other details to yourself!"

"I like keeping you all to myself. You know, so people are actually a little bit interested in me not just asking questions about you. I cop enough of that from my own family, Lauren especially. You know she has a huge crush on you."

"I can't believe she's off to Cambridge next year, your little baby sister."

"Me either. I can't wait to see them at Christmas. They call me fairly often and I help them with school work but it's not the same. I guess I didn't notice it when it was me who was away boarding and they were at home, I just remember them both following me around everywhere in the holidays."

"How long are you staying in Reading?"

"I'll go the day after school finishes and come back after New Year's I think. I don't have any other plans."

They walked back to Tom's car and began the drive back to Fulham to Emily's house. When they arrived Tom looked over at her "Do you want me to come in?"

"You're welcome to if you want to. I do have work to do for tomorrow though."

"I should head home and pack then."

Tom got out quickly and opened Emily's door, pulling her into a tight hug and kissing the top of her head. "I'm going to miss you," he said.

"Let's not make it almost a year between catch ups then," Emily smiled up at him and kissed his cheek softly. "I'll see you in February."

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

An icy wind blew outside, negating any warmth that might have come from the afternoon sun. Emily and her class were watching the last few minutes of The Santa Clause on the last afternoon before the Christmas break. When it was finished she farewelled them for the break and picked up her bag. The afternoon movie had given her a chance to have a good clean up of the classroom and she had nothing else left to do, so she met Jamie at his classroom.

"Hey, Emily." he said, surprised.

"Do you need some help?"

"Yes, please. Who does craft on the last afternoon before holidays?"

"Someone who really doesn't want to go home any time soon?" she asked, picking up glue sticks, scissors and unused paper and storing them in the cupboard.

"Thanks. I just have a couple of things to do and we can go. Have a seat."

"So when are you headed home, Jamie?"

"I fly out for Belfast in a couple of days and come back just before New Year's. You?"

"I plan on going tomorrow, but I only have to drive to Reading so I can be a little more flexible. I don't know when I'm coming back yet. Do you have plans for new year's eve?"

"No. I mean I did, with Melanie, which is why I booked a flight back so soon. But now I can't change it. I spoke to her the other day actually. Cleared the air, it was nice. I figure we still have to live in the same town we might as well get along, I kept bumping in to her when I was out."

"That's really good. So she's still with the new guy?"

"Yeah, and I'm actually happy for her. She's all booked to go to Australia and seems really content. I think I probably forced her into committing when she wasn't ready. I'm definitely moving on."

"That's great to hear, Jamie. Really. I'm happy for you."

"Want to come out with me and celebrate?"

Emily laughed. "You certainly have stamina, I'll give you that. I can't. Four times a week for three weeks is about all I can take. I'm getting old I think."

"What if I bring Chinese and beers and we have a quiet celebration then?"

"Now that I can do."

* * *

A few hours later Emily and Jamie sat on the couch, eating and drinking and sharing stories about Christmas.

"There's just something magical about it, I just love every second of it. It was never about presents for us, just the whole magical experience I guess."

"I imagine your house is a bit crazy on Christmas morning then?"

Emily laughed softly. "It sure is. I remember when the twins were small and they would get some of the same presents but anything different they got, they never wanted theirs. So if Lauren got a doll and Damien got a truck, Lauren would want the truck and Damien would want the doll. One year when they were about five or six mum and dad swapped them and gave Lauren's gifts to Damien and Damien's to Lauren, and all was right with the world. They swapped and got what they were intended to get in the first place!"

"Gosh my sister and I were so protective of our stuff. All hell broke loose if she even looked sideways at one of my cars!" He sighed and Emily put a hand on his shoulder.

"Christmas can't be an easy time for your mum. Or you."

"She tries, but it will never be the same without dad and Bianca. We still have Christmas with her family and all of my cousins, which makes it both easier and harder. That's why she moved back so soon after the accident, she wanted to be with the rest of her family."

"But you wanted to stay?"

"I was in the middle of university. And I think I just didn't want to deal with it, I wasn't mature enough to know how, and I sure as hell didn't know how to look after mum. There are no words to describe the numbness that takes over when police officers pick you up in the middle of a lecture and you find out when you get to the hospital that both your dad and sister are gone. I just froze. For months. I'm so glad mum had her family to go back to and brothers and sisters to take care of her, because I just wasn't strong enough to do it."

"Jamie, you had a normal human reaction. You were only nineteen! You would have stepped up if you had to. I can't even imagine losing one of my siblings, let alone my father as well. My heart breaks just thinking about it."

"It took me a long time to process it and accept it. For months I just tried to go on like nothing had happened, I didn't want to feel it. Now I just miss her every day. And now that I've dragged the conversation to the pit of despair, can I get you another beer?"

"Ah why not. We're on holidays, right?"

"Can I ask you something personal?" Jamie asked when he sat back down.

"Um, yes. Of course."

"You and Tom... are you really just friends? There's no romantic feelings there?"

"No romantic feelings, no. We're just friends. We've been friends for a long time, I met him in high school when our schools held mixed events." Even lying by omission didn't feel right, but she wasn't about to tell him what was really going on. And nothing she had said was a lie, there weren't any romantic feelings. Just then Emily's phone rang. "Speak of the devil. Sorry." She said to Jamie as she answered. "Hey Thomas. What's happening?"

"Not much, just thought I'd say hi while I had a break. We're trying to smash out as much as we can before Christmas. Just wanted to hear your voice really, it's been ages."

"Tom it's been two days."

"Really? Oh. Well, are you busy?"

"Not terribly. Having dinner with a friend from work."

"So school is out for Christmas?"

"Yes. I'm free until January. I'll probably head back home tomorrow or the next day. So the filming is going well?"

"Hard work but lots of fun, it's going really well. I'm really excited to see how it turns out. And... I have to go, they're calling me back. I'll talk to you soon."

"Oh. Ok. Bye!"

"Well that was interesting timing," Emily said to Jamie. "Sorry, we don't get to talk often so I try to answer when he calls."

"It's perfectly fine. Um, Emily?"

"Jamie?"

"I want you to think about something over Christmas. No pressure, just think about it. I, um... I want to take you out for New Year's. If you're back."

"OK. I don't need to-"

"On a date."

"Oh! Jamie, Christmas is an emotional time, and we're good friends, I don't want-"

"This isn't the first time I've thought about this, Emily. And I'm pretty sure you have, too. But there was Liam, and Melanie, and others before them. If I'm reading this wrong, tell me and I'll not mention it again."

"Um. You're not. Wrong, I mean. You're not reading it wrong. I do need to think about it though, is that ok?"

"Of course. It's just a date. If it all turns to crap we'll go back to being friends." _Hmm, that sentiment sounds familiar._

"I know. I'll think about it." she yawned. "I guess you're sleeping on my couch again, I'll get you some blankets. If we keep this up I'll have to get another bed!" Emily said from the hall.

"Not if it works out the way I hope," Jamie said under his breath.


	14. Chapter 14

Christmas in the Bainbridge house was often a five day affair, beginning with Christmas eve and ending half way to New Year's eve. It was the only time of the year now where they were all guaranteed to be in the same house, and it was messy, noisy, chaotic bliss.

Two days after Christmas everything had begun to settle down again, Matthew and Bella were preparing to go back to Italy the following day, Lauren and Damien were avoiding homework assignments. Emily was having a blissful time doing absolutely nothing but reading and writing. Except thinking. About Jamie. She was attracted to him, she couldn't deny it, and they were so compatible and got along so well. But she had thought the same with Liam and she still wasn't sure she was ready to jump in again. And then there was Tom, she would have to tell him their arrangement was over.

After lunch Emily, Victoria, Lauren and Bella were in the garden having a drink and talking about the baby when they heard the doorbell. Victoria stood up and went inside and moments later they heard her say animatedly "Oh my gosh, darling it's so good to see you! How are you?"

Emily strained to hear the answer but couldn't make out another voice. She continued talking to Bella until Lauren covered her mouth and let out an almost inaudible squeal. "Lauren? What?"

"Hey, Lauren. How are you?" Emily froze, realising it was Tom's voice. She half expected to be mistaken and was surprised when she turned and saw his face.

"Good. Thanks." Lauren squeaked.

"What are you doing here?" Emily asked, standing up to kiss his cheek and give him a hug.

"I'm heading back to London, thought I'd stop on the way."

"Tom if you think Reading is 'on the way' from Oxford to London, you need a new GPS." she laughed. "Oh, Tom, this is Bella,"

"Nice to meet you, and congratulations. Yeah it's not really on the way, but I had a bit of extra time." he shrugged. "I fly out in the morning."

"Well it's lovely to see you. Lauren, close your mouth." Lauren looked at Emily, mortified. "Do you want a photo? An autograph? A hug?"

"All of the above?" Victoria giggled.

Lauren shook her head. "Aw, come on. I've known you since you were little!" Tom said.

"He's in my garden, Em. Tom fucking Hiddleston is in my garden."

"Lauren! Language!" Victoria yelled.

"Yes he is. But not for long. Give me your phone, and go give him a hug. You want selfies, he has the arms." Lauren stood up gingerly and Tom grabbed her and picked her up, making her squeal loudly. Emily snapped a few photos on Lauren's phone before he put her down and then she took a few more normal ones. Once she had composed herself she sat back down.

"Thank you, Tom." she said shyly.

"My pleasure, darling." he said, making her blush red.

Emily handed the phone back, but kept hold of one end. "Lauren, this is important. You do not tell people that I know Tom, OK? And you can't plaster the photos all over the internet."

"Em, it's fine, really. I don't mind. She's a friend."

"I mind. You can say he was here over Christmas. That's it. Got it." Lauren nodded.

"Can I talk to you, Emily?" Tom asked, putting a hand on her back.

"Uh, sure. I don't know where we'll find somewhere quiet though."

"It's ok I thought I might take you for a drive, if you don't mind."

* * *

"So you wanted to talk to me about something. Which is probably good because I wanted to talk to you, too."

"Yeah, about our um, arrangement. I'm not sure it's going to work."

"Phew."

"Why are you relieved?"

"Because it means we can go back to being friends without any damage being done. I have a date and I wasn't sure how to-"

"Well I was thinking we could step it up- wait. Did you say you have a date?"

"Yes. What do you mean?"

"With who?"

"What do you mean, step it up?"

"I... nothing. So you have a date?"

"Tom. Tell me what you were going to say. It's just a date. One date."

"But you were about to cut me off so it's not just nothing."

"Do you want me sleeping with you while I'm dating? Our relationship hasn't changed, I'm just taking away the sex."

"I'm pretty sure that's changing our relationship."

"It's just putting it back the way it was. Please say what you were going to say, you've never ever kept things from me before."

"I was thinking about what you said. About being alone, about the right woman. I was going to ask you if maybe we could try it for real. Be more than friends, more than sex."

"Oh my god." Emily put her face in her hands. They were sitting in a small park on a bench. After a few seconds she started to laugh.

"What on earth is funny about this situation?"

"It never rains, Tom. It only fucking pours. Are you sure about this, or are you reacting to what I said?"

"I'm serious. I want us to be more. I want to try it."

"This would break us, Tom. If it didn't work, I would lose my best friend. But now I know you feel this way, what's going to happen if I end up in a relationship with J- ... with someone else?"

"Emily, I will never stop being your friend. Ever. I will always love you in that way, whatever else happens. But it's time for me to step up and take the chance."

 _"You're never here."_ she almost whispered. Emily's head was spinning, she thought she might pass out. She had just got used to the idea of dating Jamie, just acknowledged the way she felt, the attraction she had suppressed all this time because the timing wasn't right. And she didn't think she could just turn it off. But then there was Tom. The beautiful man in front of her, offering her the world.

"I know it's not ideal. I kind of wish I hadn't said anything now. But I did, it's out there and I can't take it back. So here it is. I would like you to be, well, mine. I can't even offer you a date, unless you come home with me tonight."

"Argh I need time and I don't have time. I need to think. I can't come home with you tonight though, I've promised to stay with my family and I can't just leave. I don't know what to do!"

"This is not how I pictured this scenario in my head," he said.

"I'm sorry, Tom. I don't think you and I are a good fit. I think you deserve someone who loves your lifestyle and wants to be a part of it, and that isn't me. I'm not... interested... in long distance. I wish I was, I really do." Tears stung her eyes and she looked away, trying to blink them back.

"Is it just the long distance, or are you not interested in me?"

"You're a package deal, I can't say I'll date you if you stop being followed all the time, stop being in movies, stop acting. It doesn't work that way. You can't separate one part of you from the other, it's who you are. And you love it, I'd never ask you to. I'm really sorry." Emily was unable to hold it in any more and a tear trickled down her cheek. She pulled him to her and hugged him, she could see tears glistening in his eyes. "Gosh, Tom, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok, Emily. It's fine. Really. I wasn't expecting you to say no, but... don't take this the wrong way, ok. I'm not in love with you, I love you like I always have but I'm not in love with you. You've just been on my mind a lot and I thought we'd be good together. That's all."

"Would you like to stay for some Christmas leftovers? I mean, dinner?"

Tom laughed. "No, I should get back. Thank you, though."

"Are we ok?"

"Yes", he said, standing and pulling her into a hug. "We're better than ok. We're unshakeable. I love you, and I'll talk to you soon." He kissed her cheek softly, lingering for just a moment. "Get in, I'll drive you back."

"You're not coming in?"

"No, I really should get back to London. Say bye to Lauren for me?"

"Haha I will. She's probably ready to molest you now, safest to run for the hills. Call me later if you want."

As she stood and watched Tom drive away, Emily wanted desperately to stop him. To go home with him and curl up in his arms and make it work. She wondered if she had just made the biggest mistake of her life, and she wondered if she would be second guessing it for as long as she lived.


	15. Chapter 15

Later that night when everyone else was in bed, Victoria sat up late to talk with Bella and Emily.

"Tom left in a hurry. Is everything OK?"

"Yeah mum, he just had to get back to London. He has a flight in the morning."

"What's wrong, honey? You've been very quiet since he left."

Emily put her head down on the table and groaned. "The most ridiculous thing has happened. I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry!"

"Sounds interesting," Bella said. "Spill it."

"This does not leave this room, ok?" They both nodded and Emily sighed. "Tom and I have been a little more than friends. Just for a week last time he was here, about a month ago."

"Wait, you mean dating or just..."

"Not dating, mum."

"Oh,"

"So that was fine, we had fun, no strings, I wasn't going to see him again until February. Then the other night Jamie asked me out. On a date, for new year's. There's attraction there, a lot of it. I think we both pushed it to the side because it was never the right time."

Bella smiled and a snigger escaped. She put her hand over her mouth, urging Emily to continue.

"Now I'm stuck. Sleeping with Tom and wanting to date Jamie. I was glad he came today because I needed to talk to him. And lo and behold, the bastard asks me out while I'm trying to tell him I want to go back to being friends. I want less, and he wants more."

Victoria was trying not to laugh, and failing miserably. "What did you tell Tom?"

"That I wanted to just be friends, that I don't feel that way about him. What if I've just ruined our friendship? Or I've made a horrible mistake?"

"Emily, let me get this straight. Tom Hiddleston asked you out today, asked you to be his girlfriend. And you turned him down?" Victoria couldn't hold in her laughter anymore. "Don't tell Lauren, she'll kill you."

"Focus, mum! Should I go after him?"

"Not if you're not attracted to him, no. You should let him be. Don't let your judgement be clouded by who he is. Or how he is, good or otherwise."

"I knew I shouldn't talk to you about this." Emily chuckled.

"Seriously though, before we move on... he's good isn't he? Ugh I can imagine..." Bella said wistfully.

"Yep, you can imagine, Bella." Emily smirked. "This whole situation is just embarrassing. What straight woman turns down Tom Hiddleston?"

"You, apparently. You're doing the right thing, Em. And if you're not you can fix it later."

"OK I'm going to bed before you lot start asking more inappropriate questions. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight honey. Sweet dreams!"

Emily went to her bedroom and took out her phone, noticing a message from Jamie.

_Jamie: hope you've had a lovely time with your family, looking forward to hearing all about it. Just wanted you to know even if you turn me down we're still mates, that will never change. I hope you don't, though ;)_

_Emily: I won't be turning you down. I'm coming home tomorrow, I'll call you. So where are we going for NYE?_

For the first time in a long time Emily noticed a flutter in her stomach. She felt a little anxious, but mostly just excited about Jamie. She jumped when her phone buzzed, not expecting a reply until morning.

_Jamie: I thought you'd be asleep by now. NYE is a surprise, I have to keep something up my sleeve, you already know all of my secrets. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams :)_

Smiling at the screen for a few moments, she sent a message to Tom. When he hadn't replied after a few minutes she put on her pajamas and switched off the light.

_Emily: are you awake?_

_Tom: yeah. What's up?_

_Emily: I almost called you to come back. I wanted you to know that. I find it really easy to just fall into you, but I don't think it's the best thing for either of us. I don't belong in your world, Tom. I belong here at home, loving and supporting you from afar and keeping you grounded._

_Tom: my reliable, constant, Emily. I never thought I'd say this, but thank you for turning me down. It took heart, and balls, and respect for our friendship to do that. Your role in my life will always be just that, be home and keep me grounded. We will catch up when I'm back home xx_

_Emily: have a safe trip, see you in a few weeks xx_

Emily went to sleep with a smile on her lips, satisfied that at least for now the men in her life were compartmentalised they way they should be, and happy about it.

* * *

 

After a restful sleep Emily packed up her SUV and said her farewells to her parents and the twins.

"Please thank Tom for me and tell him I'm not normally such a dork."

"Haha I will Lauren. And Damien, Tom would love for you to call him if you'd like any advice."

"Good luck with your date, honey. I want to hear all about it. OK, maybe not all about it." Victoria laughed.

Before going home, Emily took Matt and Bella to the airport for their flight back to Italy. Just after lunch she opened the door and carried her luggage inside and upstairs, stopping at the top when her phone rang.

"Hey, Jamie. Good timing, I just walked in the door,"

"Oh, good. I was wondering if I could take you out for dinner tonight. Pick you up at 7?"

"Are you taking me out on a date three days early?"

"Ahm. Yes?"

"OK then, I'll see you at 7!" Emily smiled as she went back for the rest of her things from the car.

At 6:55 she was waiting patiently in the kitchen, dressed and ready to go. She had chosen a long sleeved royal blue dress with thick stockings and long boots. Her hair hung over her shoulders and down to the middle of her back in curls, and she had swapped her glasses for contacts. When Jamie knocked on the door and she opened it, he stared for a moment.

"Wow, you look beautiful."

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself!" He was wearing dark jeans and a red button up shirt, with a brown leather jacket over the top. Emily had to restrain herself from touching it, it looked so soft.

They went to a local Italian restaurant, Jamie wanted to take her somewhere they hadn't been as friends.

"So, how was Christmas?"

Emily laughed softly. "Exactly how I said it would be. Crazy, noisy, beautiful chaos. Loved it. But I'd had enough by yesterday, I took the opportunity to get out when Matt and Bella had to get to the airport. How was Belfast?"

"Really good actually. Better than I expected. Too many people for me though, mum's family is huge and we had dad's this year as well."

"I'm really happy to hear that. You look very happy."

"I am happy. Do you have any career plans or will you just go with it and see what happens?"

"I don't know, really. I love being in the classroom so much, and there's so much new to learn all the time. I think I'll probably just keep teaching until... well I don't know. Until I have my own children I guess."

"So you want to have them one day? A lot?"

"Yeah one day. A couple is enough I think. We'll see." She laughed. "This is not normal first date conversation."

"No but I already know what stuff you like, what you do, about your family. And you know everything about me, so... it's kind of like skipping the first few dates."

"Do you? Want to have children, I mean,"

"Yes. I can't wait."

Just for a moment, Emily allowed herself to picture a future with Jamie. Both of them teaching, getting married, having children. She smiled.

"What's that smile for?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing. Are you having dessert?"


	16. Chapter 16

After dinner Jamie and Emily drove back to Emily's house. "You're very welcome to come in if you like," Emily said when he pulled up.

"I don't know. How are we supposed to proceed when your house is like my second home but now we're dating?"

"Hm. If it feels right, go with it?"

"OK I'll come in then, but I won't stay long."

When they were inside Emily offered him a tea or a glass of wine and they both decided on wine, but just one glass as Jamie had to drive. Sitting on the couch he asked about her writing, and she blushed a little. "All I'm writing at the moment is romance,"

"Well that's not a bad thing. Guess you've got romance on the brain?"

"Maybe. Not that there's been any romance in my life for a while until tonight. Maybe I needed some and I can get on with the fantasy now." She laughed.

Jamie set his glass down on the table and then did the same with Emily's. He leaned toward her, sweeping his hand under her hair so his thumb was stroking her cheek softly. Emily looked in to his hazel eyes, and he tentatively leaned toward her, she met him half way and her lips met his gently. His lips were full and soft, she could taste the wine on his mouth. He soon licked her bottom lip slowly and she parted her lips, giving him access to mingle his tongue with hers. Emily put a hand up to stroke his cheek, liking the rough feel of stubble over his smooth skin. She moved a little closer to him and he deepened the kiss, letting his tongue explore further and sucking her bottom lip playfully. Emily put her hand on the back of his neck and stroked lightly with her fingertips, the other hand on his chest, feeling the soft leather beneath her palm. Eventually they separated, cheeks flushed and panting.

"Wow," Jamie said as Emily blushed. She knew if he didn't go home very shortly she wouldn't let him leave. The sparks between them were almost palpable. Emily leaned into him and kissed him again, more confidently this time, grazing his lip with her teeth and sucking his tongue gently in to her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lay back, pulling him with her so he was laying on top of her. His weight on her body felt good, and she slid her hand inside his jacket, feeling his warmth through his shirt. Jamie kept his hand on Emily's side, occasionally grazing over her stomach.

"Emily," he breathed, looking in to her eyes. "I should go."

"I know." She said with her forehead resting on his. "I'm not sure I want you to, but yeah you probably should."

They kissed again at the door before he finally pulled away and left. Emily got ready for bed, changing into her pajamas and switching off the lights. When she got upstairs she had a message from Jamie.

_Jamie: I had an amazing time tonight, Emily._

_Emily: I did, too. Looking forward to NYE._

_Jamie: you're going to need something semi formal and an overnight bag, is that OK?_

_Emily: now I'm REALLY looking forward to it ;)_

* * *

The next day dragged, and by new year's eve Emily could barely contain herself. After breakfast she started getting her things together, Jamie was picking her up after lunch and all she knew was that they were going to London. Her phone rang and she saw Tom's face on the screen.

"Hey, Tom. How are you?"

"Good, actually. How are you, darling?"

"Fantastic. I love new year's."

"Good night for a first date," Tom said.

"Um, second date, actually. We had the first a couple of days ago. The day I got back."

"Oh. Obviously it went well then. So where are you going tonight?"

"I don't know, and it's driving me crazy! All I know is we're going to London and we're staying the night. And it's semi formal. I'm so excited, I can't wait to find out where we're going!"

"Second date and you're spending the night together? Hussy." He chuckled.

"Yeah well, we already know each other, I know he's not a serial killer or anything. And he's spent many a night on my couch and vice versa."

"I'm really happy for you, Em. Really."

"Thank you. So what are you up to tonight?"

"Well the cast are having a small party, since most of us are away from our friends. Might as well make the best of it."

"Lauren wanted me to thank you again. And she wanted me to tell you she isn't always such a dork."

"Hehehe. You told her it was ok because I'm a dork too?"

"Yes I did." Emily smiled, and there was a long pause before Tom spoke.

"Emily, I'm really sorry about-"

"You don't need to do this, Tom."

"Hear me out. I do need to. I shouldn't have put you in that situation, it was a knee jerk reaction. It was fear. Sarah and Emma are both settled down and happy and I look at Chris and Elsa or Ben and Sophie... it was Christmas, I was lonely, and I wondered if I was keeping you at arm's length just because I thought a relationship would hold me back. But I did that on the spur of the moment, because you were comfortable, and familiar, and easy. I didn't -"

"Did you just say I was easy?"

"Fuck. Yes. But that's not what I meant. I meant our friendship was easy, and when we started... you know... it was uncomplicated. Sorry. Anyway, I didn't plan on coming to see you, I was on my way home and just ended up in Reading instead. I think I wanted to feel something, to remind myself I'm capable of it. And I need to thank you for being honest with me. I will always love that about you, you don't just accept what I say or tell me what I want to hear because of who I am."

"I sincerely hope you have a great time tonight. And meet someone fabulous who just blows you away and gives you all of the feels."

"You did not just say 'feels',"

"Yes, apparently I did."

"I'm hanging up now, Emily."

"Hahaha ok I'll talk to you tomorrow then. Smashingly hungover, if you do it right tonight."

Emily put down the phone and realised it was almost time for Jamie to pick her up. She put her bags at the door and made a cup of tea, hoping to quell the butterflies.

* * *

"Hello, Emily," Jamie said when she opened the door. Before she could reply he kissed her softly, lingering for a few moments. "Ready to go?"

"I've been ready all morning," Emily laughed. "I can't wait to see where we're going!"

"Only a little bit longer and all will be revealed."

Emily's jaw dropped when they pulled up at The Dorchester. "No," she said to Jamie, and he nodded back at her. "For real?"

"Absolutely. There's a party in the bar and we're spending the night here."

"Wow..."

When they walked into their suite she had to concentrate to keep her mouth from gaping again. The view would be perfect for the fireworks at midnight, even in daylight it was stunning.

Emily took her time getting ready. After a shower, she braided her hair to one side, letting the plait fall over her right shoulder and a few curls escape and frame her face. Carefully she applied her makeup, accentuating her bright blue eyes and pale skin, and adding a neutral gloss to her smooth lips. Back in the bedroom she slipped into a navy blue satin dress. The fabric gathered on her shoulders, fanning out to cover her breasts and back on either side, leaving a deep V-neck shape down to her waist. A wide flat band cinched at her small waist and the skirt fell in two layers to her knees. It was understated, elegant and sexy. After putting on silver jewellery and shoes she looked in the mirror before joining Jamie in the living room.

Jamie was wearing a black suit, deep green shirt and striped tie. His brown hair was short on the sides and back but wavy on top, and the green shirt was reflecting in his eyes, making them appear more green than hazel. He had been facing out the window but turned when he heard Emily behind him.

"My god, Emily. You look beautiful. Mesmerising."

"Well you look amazing!"

He put a hand on her waist, the other on her neck and pressed his lips to hers. His tongue soon parted them, exploring and probing for hers. Her hands went to his neck, holding him to her while her tongue explored and tasted him. When he pulled away he rested his forehead on hers. "We should go," he breathed. "Before I take that dress off," Emily shuddered and got goosebumps of excitement. She stood for a few minutes gazing out the window. The setting sun was colouring everything in cool pinks and purples. Jamie gently took her hand, stroking her palm with his thumb before leading her to the door and down to the bar.

The party was beautiful, everything sparkled and glittered and they ate and drank a while before heading for the dance floor. Emily was pleasantly surprised, Jamie was quite a good dancer, especially slow dances. "I'm impressed. I had no idea you could dance like this," she said.

"You can thank my mum who insisted upon it when we were younger," he said. "She loves to dance. So did dad."

When their feet grew tired they sat down for another drink. Jamie was looking adoringly at Emily across the table. "Stop it," she laughed.

"I can't help it," he said. "How can you have been right in front of my face all this time?"

"You are a bit slow on the uptake," she smirked. "Jamie, this has just been perfect."

"I'm not done yet. What time is it?"

"Just after eleven. Why?"

"Then we have time for another dance," he said, pulling her to her feet. She protested only playfully, letting him lead her around the floor until he pulled her close and whispered in her ear that it was time to go.

"I'm isn't midnight yet, we haven't seen the fireworks!"

"I'm promise you won't miss anything. Trust me. Come on." He took her hand again and took her back to their suite. Emily stepped in and stopped, taking in the scene before her. The lights were dimmed to almost nothing, and there were candles scattered around. She could see a warm glow coming from the bedroom, and as it flickered slightly she guessed that was from candles, too. In front of the window overlooking the Thames there was a small table that wasn't there before, with two champagne flutes. Next to it was an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne.

"Jamie..." she breathed.

"Is it too much?" He asked nervously.

"It's perfect," Emily said, taking his tie and pulling his mouth to hers, kissing him eagerly. His fingertips made feather-light trails over her bare skin. Down her cheek, her neck, shoulders, arms, chest and back. Goosebumps covered her skin and she had to stifle a moan, she put her hands up to undo and remove his tie and slide his jacket off his shoulders. As her fingers worked to undo his buttons they heard the bangs of fireworks and flashes of colour lit up the room. They went to the window and Jamie poured them both a glass of champagne. Outside, London was awash in colour, glittering fireworks lighting up the midnight sky. Laser lights lit up the eye, Big Ben, the bridge, scribbling faint light on the clouds above and reflecting in disco-like rainbows on the river below. Just as the fireworks began to slow, more began around the clock face, the eye, the bridge and along the river bank, cascades of bright light and deep colour, lighting up the buildings and people around them. As Emily sipped her champagne she noticed that the room was lighting up as well, colouring them both, the walls, the furniture, in beautiful watercolours. She snuck a glance up at Jamie's face, seeing him smile and the fireworks sparkle in his eyes. A huge, deep bang caught her attention and she looked back out the window to see a huge crossette firework burst into blue and red high over the city, crackling as it fell. It was followed by another loud boom, a silver willow this time, equally as high and leaving trails of silver in its wake. The display was mesmerising and the booms as they were released into the sky rumbled beneath their feet. Emily could feel Jamie's hand in hers, his thumb stroking slow circles on her palm.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

As the fireworks stopped a cloud of smoke was left lingering over the city, lit up in marbled rainbows by the coloured laser lights along the river. Emily sipped her champagne, still looking out the window when she felt Jamie's breath on her neck. He was standing behind her and had let go of her hand, placing one hand on her waist and the other trailing down her arm. She sighed when she felt him touch her neck so lightly she might have imagined it, and he traced a line with one finger down her spine, down the deep V in the back of her dress. He brought his lips to her back, then her neck, and kissed down over her shoulder, sliding her dress aside to bare her soft skin. He planted soft kisses over her shoulder, making her inhale sharply every time she felt his lips on her skin. Jamie's other hand had spread out over her side, still resting just above her waist and almost but deliberately not quite touching her breast. He made a trail down the inside of her arm and over her wrist, finally bringing her fingertips to his mouth and kissing each one, sucking her pinky just slightly in to his mouth, tracing around it with his tongue and making Emily's breath hitch in her throat. She tried to put her hands on him but he put them gently back down by her side, and after putting her dress back on her shoulder, he made his way slowly down the other side. He lingered at the back of her neck again, kissing down her spine and over her shoulder blades. Laying kisses around her neck he moved around to stand in front of her, using a hand to tilt her chin back and give him full access to her throat. She barely stifled a moan when he reached her collarbone, Emily's whole body felt like it was electrified, every touch was intensified and sent shocks to her core. She could feel her erect nipples graze him as he brought his mouth to hers, and groaned when he kissed her so softly and gently, taking his time, lingering on her lips before he probed gently with his tongue, taking control of her mouth and exploring her tongue. He dragged his teeth lightly over her tongue and bottom lip, making Emily moan softly into his mouth. She put her hand up to his jaw, stroking his cheek with her thumb and tangling the other hand in his soft brown hair. Jamie slowly closed his mouth, keeping his lips pressed against Emily's for a few seconds before pulling back and looking in to her eyes. He put a hand to the side of her neck and stroked gently behind her ear, and she leaned into his touch, rubbing her cheek against his palm. He stared down at her, her face, neck and chest were flushed and her eyes sparkled. He could see her breasts rise and fall with her quickened breath and make out her erect nipples through the fabric of her dress.

Blowing out candles as he went, Jamie led Emily to the bedroom and she removed her shoes while he did the same. She stood in front of him and unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it slowly off his shoulders and revealing his lean but muscular chest and abdomen. Emily bit her lip as she ran her fingertips lightly down over his chest, over his nipples and abs to his waistband. He lifted her chin to kiss her, and slid her dress off her shoulders and to the floor, leaving her wearing only black lace panties. He ran his hands down her sides, resting one in the curve in her back and pulling her against him. The feel of her warm soft skin on his was better than he could ever have imagined. He pulled his lips away to lay her down in the bed and he slid in next to her, taking in her beautiful naked body. Emily rolled to her side, facing him, and kissed her way slowly from his ear down over his neck, across his throat, over his collarbone and down to his chest. Jamie moaned softly when her mouth closed over his nipple, sucking it in to her mouth and grazing it with her teeth. His hands were on her and he tried to concentrate on making every movement slow and deliberate, savouring every moment. He ran a hand down her side, grazing over her breast and down over her thigh, hooking behind her knee and pulling her leg over his. As he trailed his fingers back up he did so on the inside of her thigh, careful to only just slide over her mound and back up her abdomen to knead her breast. She arched her back, pushing her breast into his hand, and he rolled her nipple with his thumb, making her draw a sharp breath. Emily's hand made its way slowly down to the bulge in his pants, she could already feel his impressive size through the fabric of his suit pants and she could tell he was erect. Hard, for her. He brought his lips to her breast, kissing lightly, circling her nipple with his tongue and sucking it slowly into his mouth. She moaned and writhed beneath him, and he slid his hand down her abdomen and between her legs, rubbing over her while his teeth bit gently on her nipple. Jamie pushed her on to her back and lay on top of her, keeping his weight on his knees between her thighs. As he teased her other breast he used his hands to remove her panties, slipping them down over her legs and off on to the floor.

When Jamie brought his hand back between her legs he could feel she was warm and wet, and he slid two fingers between her folds, circling around her clit with his thumb. Emily moaned and wriggled beneath him, she was so hot and ready for him she couldn't think straight. He slipped two fingers gently inside her and she arched her hips to meet him, he smiled when he noticed she was so wet, for him. His mouth returned to hers and she moaned hard into him when he found her g-spot, she reached down and undid his belt and pants, slipping her hand inside to stroke his erection, and was encouraged when he moaned and stroked her a little harder. She could feel tension pooling deep inside her, and thrust her hips against him, grinding into his hand and stroking him hard. He moved down so his mouth was back at her breast, flicking her nipple with his tongue until he could feel her tightening a little around his fingers. Sucking her nipple hard into his mouth he put his teeth on her while he stroked her clit a little harder and moved his fingers over her g-spot. Suddenly she spasmed and clenched around his hand, writhing under him as her climax washed over her with a loud moan.


	18. Chapter 18

Emily pulled Jamie's face back to hers, kissing him deeply while he reached for the condom on the nightstand. She took it from his hand, tearing it open with her teeth and rolling it slowly and firmly down his shaft. He guided himself to her, slipping just the tip inside and making her almost beg for him to take her. He brought his mouth back to hers, kissing her gently and licking her lips, probing with his tongue as he slid himself inside her. He moaned hard in to her mouth, feeling her warm wet walls envelop him as he thrust deeper inside. Jamie continued his slow thrusting in and out, deeper each time, making them both ache for release. Emily reached up and licked down behind his ear to his neck, pulling on his hips, craving his friction. He put a hand under her hips, lifting her to him so he could go deeper and he steadied himself to quicken the pace. Emily could feel his head at her core, the ridge just below, every vein that covered his pink shaft, and his balls against her as he rubbed over her most sensitive places again and again. He bent his head down and bit her nipple, and she shattered around him, her walls closing around him as he continued his assault. Emily cried out, writhing and convulsing under him, meeting her hips with his, begging to feel him release inside her. With one last ragged thrust he came hard, collapsing down on her and spasming inside her. She felt his climax wash over him and slow, running her fingertips over his back and shoulders and kissing his mouth slowly.

He stilled inside her, their raspy ragged breathing returning to normal, and pulled out, laying down next to her and pulling her to him. She snuggled her head in to his chest, slick and cool with perspiration beading over his skin. Stroking her back lazily, Jamie listened to Emily's breathing slow as she was lulled to sleep by his heart beating under her ear before he closed his eyes.

* * *

Jamie was woken by the sun filling the bedroom with golden light. He guessed it was around 7 am and a look at his watch confirmed it. He propped himself on one elbow and looked down at Emily sleeping soundly next to him. Her hair was loose around her face and shoulders and she breathed softly. She had the covers pulled up and was laying on her stomach with her face turned to him, her beautiful milky shoulders and back bare in front of him. He wanted to touch her but didn't want to wake her, so he settled for sweeping her hair out of the way and watching her sleep.

He had never had a night like last night. Emily was so beautiful, so elegant and sexy, he couldn't believe she'd been in front of him all this time. After a while he got up to make them both a cup of tea, slipping out quietly so he didn't wake her and pulling on a pair of faded jeans.

While he was pouring the tea Emily wandered sleepily out of the bedroom, wearing his shirt from the night before. "Good morning, gorgeous." He said as she walked to him, pressing in to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Did you sleep well?"

"Amazingly well," Emily said, kissing him softly. "What are you up to?"

"Making tea. I was going to surprise you in bed with it."

"Sorry, I woke up and you weren't there."

"Oh don't apologise, that look is almost as hot as last night and I'd have missed it if you hadn't come looking for me." He put his hand on her thigh and the other on her cheek. "That was one of the best nights I've ever had, Em. Not just the end, the whole evening. I'm um... this is probably way too much for only two dates, but... I'm falling really hard. Really hard."

Emily kissed him again, slowly sucking on his bottom lip before pulling back. "I am, too. How can it have taken us so long to do this? I mean, we're intelligent people!"

Jamie laughed. "Book smart, yeah. We have no business giving anyone relationship advice though, I don't think." They sat on the couch to drink their tea, and Emily noticed her phone was flashing, still on the table from the night before. She had nine unread messages, most from friends and family simply saying happy new year around midnight. She felt a slight pang of guilt that she hadn't replied to any of them, but was distracted when she saw a couple from Tom. The first was simply a happy new year like the rest, but she found the next a little worrying.

_3:04 am Tom: guess you're having an exceptionally good night. Can you please call me some time tomorrow? I need your advice._

She sighed, wondering what on earth he would need her advice on. Feeling another stab of guilt, she put the phone down and decided to call him later. He probably wasn't awake now anyway.

"Everything ok? You're frowning."

"Hm? Oh, no everything's fine. Just catching up on all the midnight messages."

"Good. Because I have a proposition for you."

"Uh, Jamie, it's probably a bit soon for that!"

"Haha. I was hoping we might spend the day in the city and stay another night. If you don't have plans?"

Emily smiled. "That would be amazing."

"I'll go and have a shower and get dressed then so we can get breakfast. Unless you want to go first?"

"No no, you go."

When Emily heard the water running she dialled Tom's number, and left a message when he didn't answer. She waited a few minutes, and when he didn't call back she had a better idea. She went to the bathroom, sliding Jamie's shirt off her shoulders. "Mind if I join you?" She asked through the steam.

"Emily, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'd like to keep doing it." He said as she stepped in and under the water. She took in his naked form, his muscled chest and abs, broad shoulders, toned legs, and his perfect pink cock that somehow looked even bigger than it had felt. He backed her against the wall and kissed her hard, probing with his tongue while he kneaded her breast and teased her nipple. Her hand trailed down over his body to his erection, feeling it already full in her hand as she stroked, making him groan in to her mouth. He moved his tongue to her neck, licking and biting down to her collarbone, and when his hand parted her thighs she eagerly wrapped one leg around his hips. He slid two fingers inside her and she moaned loudly, rolling her hips against him.

Jamie lifted Emily up, keeping his hands under her butt, and she wrapped her legs around his, guiding him in to her and pulling him deep. She clasped her arms around his neck, and he thrust in to her, increasing his speed and force until he was slamming her hard and fast in to the wall. When he kissed her mouth roughly she knew he was close, and she tilted her hips slightly so he was hitting her g-spot, sending her almost immediately over the edge. As she felt him come undone and explode inside her she climaxed and contracted forcefully around him, milking him until they both had trouble standing. After a long passionate kiss he set her back on her feet and rinsed himself off before leaving her to finish showering.


	19. Chapter 19

"Your phone was ringing, Em." Jamie said when she returned to the bedroom to get dressed.

"Oh, thanks." She said. Knowing it would probably be Tom she decided to get dressed before retrieving it from the lounge room. She put on a long sleeved pink shirt with a knitted chocolate tunic and leggings, finishing off with long boots. Her hair was braided down her back except for a few stray strands around her face. She picked up the phone and returned Tom's call.

"Hey. You must have had a good night last night."

"I did, Tom. We're just heading out for breakfast so I can't talk for too long, what's up?"

"Oh. It can wait then, when will you be home?"

"Um... tomorrow?"

"You did have a good night,"

"I did. What's going on? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, honestly it's nothing. I just drank too much last night. I'm fine."

"What exactly do you expect me to do about your hangover from here?" She laughed.

"That's - I don't know. I'll talk to you later."

"Sounds like you had a good night at least?"

"Um... yeah. It was ok. Give me a call when you're home, ok?"

"I will."

Emily hung up. There was something Tom wasn't telling her, and she hoped it wasn't important.

* * *

 

The following day they pulled up at Emily's house. "No doubt you're keen for some alone time," Jamie said, leaving the engine running.

"Not really,  but I do have a lot of boring stuff to do. Maybe you could come over later tonight?"

"Sure. I'll call you later." Jamie leaned across and kissed her, lingering on her lips. Before she got out of the car he took her hand, stroking her knuckles with his fingertips. "Emily, I have had the most amazing few days. Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, Jamie. I should be thanking you. This has already gone beyond what I could have imagined." She kissed him softly. "I'll see you tonight."

Once Emily was inside and unpacked, she sat down with her phone, ready to get to the bottom of what was bothering Tom.

"Hey, you." He answered.

"Hi. So I'm home, I'm alone, I've got plenty of time. What's wrong?"

"It's almost 5 o'clock, have you only just got home from new year's two days ago?"

"Yes. Now stop avoiding the question."

"Ugh, Emily, I got drunk. And I did something stupid."

"What did you do?"

"I slept with Olivia. The one playing my wife."

"Is that it? You didn't do anything overly kinky that might bite you in the arse?" She stifled a giggle.

"No, I don't think so. Emily I'm serious, it was a huge mistake. I don't do this. Not while I'm working."

"OK. Do you like her?"

"That's beside the point. I've known her a few years, and we're working together."

"So yes, you like her. Have you talked to her since?"

"Not really, no."

Emily sighed. "Thomas, get your fucking head in the game. You like her, she likes you, what's the problem?"

"I... I don't know." He laughed softly. "I've always said I wouldn't do this, it never ends well getting involved with someone you work with."

"I have to strongly disagree with you there,"

"She says after less than a week,"

"Tom, talk to her. You can't be this rattled by it if you don't really like her. Have you completely forgotten how to deliberately charm a woman now that they throw themselves at your feet?"

"I do really like her. She's beautiful and smart and talented. And she makes me laugh. And I had to go and fuck it up with a one night stand."

"It's not a one night stand if you do it more than once. Ask her out. Today. Turn on the Hiddleston charm and take her out on a date."

"I'll think about it."

"Don't think. Just do. I'm hanging up now. Call me back."

"Hold on I want to hear about your new years eve!"

"It was... perfect. Every single moment was perfect. I'm waiting for someone to pinch me."

"You sound really happy, Emily. I'm really happy for you."

"I am. Now go forth and get the girl!" She hung up abruptly and hoped Tom was laughing.

A few minutes later she received a message from Jamie saying he would be over after dinner. She smiled like a loon at the phone and then jumped, almost dropping it when it rang in her hand. "How did it go, Thomas?"

"She's coming over for dinner tonight."

"See? Like shooting fish in a barrel." She heard Tom laugh. "So how is the filming going?"

"Great, actually. We have good chemistry together and it's been a lot of fun so far. All the crew are amazing, we're having a ball."

"Good. You sound a little more relaxed now."

"Yeah. I just thought I'd ruined a good friendship, and if you do that with a colleague you get kind of a bad rep."

"You worry too much, Tom. You're human. Just go with it. I don't think she's the kind to talk about you being a player after one night. If she was you wouldn't be interested. Chill out, have a great night. I have to go, I'll talk to you soon, ok?"

"OK. Thanks, Em. You know I love you."

"I love you, too."


	20. Chapter 20

As the weeks went by, Jamie and Emily got closer, spending almost all of their spare time together while trying to keep their distance at work. It was early February and the days when it was pleasant outside were few and far between. On a Saturday morning, Emily was downstairs at Jamie's house making breakfast in the kitchen when her phone rang.

"Hey Thomas, how's it going?"

"Good. We're wrapping at the end of the week. How are you? I feel like we haven't spoken in months!"

"I'm... wonderful. Everything's going well, life is pretty amazing actually. How's it going with Olivia?"

"It's great. We're keeping it pretty low key until we're done filming, but she's coming over at the end of the month. I'd love you to meet her, I think you'd get along really well."

"Sounds great, I'd love for you to meet Jamie as well. Give me a call when you're back."

"I will."

Later that morning they drove to Emily's parents house where they were having lunch. Victoria greeted them at the door with a smile and a hug. "Mum, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is Victoria, my mum."

"It's so lovely to meet you, Mrs Bainbridge." He said in his vague Irish accent.

"Oh, Victoria, please. And it's lovely to meet you, Jamie. Your father is... oh, here he is. Callan, this is Jamie."

Jamie shook Emily's father's hand firmly. "It's good to meet you."

"You too, we've heard a lot about you. Welcome."

They went inside and Emily was suddenly accosted by Lauren, throwing herself at Emily in to a violent hug. "What are you doing home?"

"Surprising you! Damien is here too!"

"Oh it's so good to see you, Lauren. Uh, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is Lauren."

"Hi. I've heard a lot about you, Lauren."

"Don't believe any of it. I'm the angel of the family." She laughed. She looked Jamie up and down, and although Emily knew what was coming, it was like a train wreck she knew she couldn't stop. "He's not Tom, Emily. But he's not bad."

"Lauren!" Victoria chided.

"That has a perfectly reasonable explanation, which I promise to give you on the way home." She smiled at Jamie.

"He hasn't met Tom yet, has he?" Lauren continued, despite Damien trying to cover her mouth.

"No, he's not back for a couple of weeks." She turned to Jamie. "Reasonable explanation, I promise," he nodded, but Emily wasn't sure he was convinced.

* * *

 

On the way home while they were discussing her family, Emily turned to Jamie from the passenger seat. "So, about Tom."

"Em, you don't need to explain."

"Yeah, I probably do. I think I've told you before we met at a few school functions and then went to Pembroke together and studied together. So we've been friends since high school, really. Always just friends, there's never really been any romantic feelings. But just before you and I... we were sort of in a friends with benefits kind of arrangement. Only for a few weeks, and it ended when you asked me out. He did ask me out at Christmas but that was more a reaction to being lonely than anything, and I turned him down." Stop talking, Emily! He didn't need that much detail!

"Oh. OK. Pretty awesome that you can just go back to being friends after that."

"Yeah, it is. As I said, we go back a long time and have a great deal of respect between us. He's probably my closest friend even though he's hardly here. There's something else I need to tell you. He's not just any Tom. He's Tom... Hiddleston."

"The actor?"

"Yes," she said softly. Emily wasn't embarrassed or ashamed, but it was a foreign experience for her to tell someone.

"Shit, Emily. How can I compete with that?"

"You're not competing, Jamie. I turned him down, there's no interest from either of us. I'm with you, he's seeing someone. I only told you this because he wants to meet you and I didn't want to ambush you with it. And as for Lauren, she obviously is a seventeen year old with a huge crush."

"Oh my god."

"It's not a big deal, really. I just don't tell people because I'd be treated differently and asked questions all the time. To me he isn't a big movie star, he's an old friend. You're the only person outside of my family I've ever told."

"Liam?"

Emily shook her head.

"Wow." They had stopped at the corner shop near Jamie's house to get some supplies for a light dinner after a huge late lunch.

Emily turned to face Jamie and took his hands in hers. "Jamie, it doesn't matter, you don't ever need to feel threatened or compete, he's like a brother. And what we did have, I ended it. For you. I've never told anyone, never introduced anyone, because I never wanted to. But you... it's different. I don't want to keep anything from you, I want you to know everything. Because, I love... I'm in love with you." There was silence for a moment, Emily's words lingered between them and she wondered if she'd said it too soon. He put one hand up to her cheek, lifting her face so she was looking in his eyes.

"Emily, I love you, too. I didn't know if it was too soon to say it, but I felt it just the same." He leaned in and kissed her softly.

When they got out of the car and went inside, Jamie took her hand, stroking her palm with his thumb and making her arm tingle. As they came to the counter a voice behind them said "Hello miss Bainbridge!" She let go of Jamie's hand and turned to see Sadie, one of her students.

"Hello, Sadie. Having a nice weekend?"

"Yes, thank you." She disappeared with a wave when her mother called from outside. Until then they had been incredibly careful in public, having not told the school about their relationship. It was frowned upon, but allowed if they were discreet and followed strict guidelines. They had discussed waiting until next month before discussing it with the principal and directors, they just had to be careful until then. Emily hoped Sadie hadn't noticed anything since she hadn't said anything to Jamie.

"I feel like we're sneaking around like teenagers," Jamie said when they were back in the car. "Maybe we need to tell the school now."

"You're probably right. They're not going to be happy, but if they find out before we tell them we could both lose our jobs."

Just as they arrived at Jamie's house his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Oh hi aunty Meg... Fuck... sorry. Is she.... OK I'll be there as soon as I can." He had handed Emily the keys and she was already inside when he walked in the door, a hand on the back of his neck.

"So we'll tell them tomor- Jamie? What's wrong?"

Tears tumbled down his cheeks and she ran to the door to embrace him. "My mum, she's in hospital, she collapsed and they don't know what's wrong. They think she might have had a stroke or something, she hasn't woken up yet."

"Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry. Are you going back?"

"Yes, I need to go now."

"You pack,  I'll get you on a flight. Do you want me to come with you?"

"Uh... no. I hope I'll be back in a few days. Thank you, though. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Oh god Jamie, I hope she is ok. If you're going to be there a while I'll come over when I can. You just do what you need to do."

She sent him upstairs to pack and got online to look for a flight, finding one in two hours and booking it.

"Are you ready, babe? We need to-"

"Em?"

She was suddenly and violently overcome with the urge to vomit and ran to the bathroom. Jamie was by her side in an instant, holding her hair and rubbing her back. When she could breathe again she pinched the bridge of her nose as her head started to pound. No, not now!

"What's wrong, baby?"

"I don't know. I was fine, and then I wasn't. Migraine I guess, my head is throbbing."

"Don't you usually get some warning?"

"Yeah. Anyway. I'm ok, and we have to go."

"You're not driving. I'll get a cab and we'll drop you off."

"You don't have time for that. I'm ok, I promise."

"Stay here until you feel ok, then. But I'm getting a cab."

Emily nodded and vomited again. "I can't leave you like this, Em."

"Yes, you can. Your mum needs you. I'm fine." She stood up and he pulled her into a tight hug, kissing her forehead.

Pulling back to look in her eyes, he whispered "I love you, Emily."

"I love you, Jamie. Call me when you get there."

"I will."

She followed him downstairs and lay down on his soft couch, deciding she would go home when she felt a little better.

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

Emily heard the doorbell and dragged herself off the couch to answer it. She almost fell over when she saw Victoria and Lauren. "Oh, honey. You look terrible. Migraine?"

"I don't know, mum." Emily started to cry, tears streamed down her face and Victoria pulled her into a hug. She sobbed in to her shoulder for a few minutes before running to the bathroom again. She had long run out of stomach contents, but she was still flattened with constant nausea.

"You're coming home with us, darling. Do you have an overnight bag?"

"Yes, in the bedroom. How..."

"Jamie called me to check on you, he's worried. He told me what happened. He's going to call you when he arrives in Belfast."

"OK," she said weakly.

* * *

 

Emily was woken later that night by her phone, and it took her a moment to realise she was in her old room. It was Jamie.

"Hey, babe. Is everything OK?"

"No," he said shakily.

Emily sat up quickly and immediately regretted it when everything spun. She was suddenly grateful her mum had left a bucket next to the bed for her, just like when she was a child.

"God Em, are you ok?"

"I... am more worried about you. What's happened?"

"It wasn't a stroke. She has a tumor. Actually she has a couple," his voice trailed off to almost a whisper.

"Oh Jamie I'm so sorry."

"She is awake, and they've relieved the pressure that made her collapse, but it's only a matter of time, really. We'll know more tomorrow after she's had some biopsies. But where it is... they can't remove it."

"I'm coming over there,"

"No, Em. Um... I'm going to stay. I couldn't look after her last time she needed me, but I'm going to now. I have to. I'll talk to the school on Monday and I'll come back for a day to get my things packed up. When I do that I think I should... I mean we should... say goodbye. At least for now." This would have been enough to make Emily nauseous under regular circumstances. This time she didn't think she was going to stop.

"Jamie, I understand you're hurting. You've just had terrible news." Her voice shook, and she took a breath to steady it. "I can come and be with you, you're going to need support. You can't do this alone."

"I have mum's family here. I just really need to focus on this."

"I'm not stopping you from doing that, and I never would. But I am asking you to think about this before you break us up. Please, Jamie. I love you."

She could hear him sob on the other end of the phone. "I love you, Emily. Please don't ever forget that. And please don't hate me, but I've made up my mind."

"I'll never hate you. But I need you to do one last thing for me. Think about this, at least for a couple of days. Please."

"I'll do that for you, but I won't change my mind."

"OK. Your mum is the most important thing right now, I understand. No matter what I'll be here for you, and I can be there for you in a few hours if you need me. I'll accept what you've said if you promise to call if you need me."

"I will. I'm sorry, I am. I'm a bit numb."

"Of course. Can you call me tomorrow when you get the results?"

"Yes."

He hung up, and Emily reached for the bucket. She had to hold back a scream as the force made pain sear through her head. Lauren heard her and opened the door quietly with a cool washer to wipe her face.

"Thanks honey."

"Emily, are you ok? Are you sure this is just a migraine?"

"I don't know. I've never had this before."

Lauren gave her a clean bucket and took the other one. Emily heard a flurry of activity and suddenly Victoria was in the doorway with her bag, putting on her coat. "We're going to the hospital, now."

"Mum I don't think that's necessary."

"It is, you're vomiting blood."

"Oh."

Victoria held her hand on the way there, and a few minutes in Emily started to sob. "Oh honey I'm sure you'll be fine. It's just they can give you something to stop the vomiting."

"It's not just that, mum. Jamie's mum... she's dying. She has brain tumours. And he's staying in Belfast."

"Oh that's awful. We'll get you better and then you can go to him."

Emily shook her head, but couldn't form any more words.

They were whisked into a room and Emily immediately given drugs to stop her vomiting, painkillers for her head, and fluids. After an hour or so a nurse came and took some blood and switched off the light so she could get some rest, and Victoria agreed to go home and get some sleep, promising she would be back first thing in the morning and they were to call her immediately if anything happened.

* * *

 

Just after 6am a doctor came in, introducing herself as Emma Saunders. "How are you feeling?"

"Weak. But so much better. Can I go home?"

"Not just yet, we have to make sure we know what's going on. We have your bloods back and it all looks fine, but can you tell me when your last period was?"

"Um..." _Fuck. Think, Emily. It can't have been that long._

"Is your cycle normally fairly regular?"

"Not always. I've been known to skip one altogether and I sometimes have a cycle where I only get spotting. Ooh, I had that just before Christmas. Just a tiny bit, but that would have been my last one. Is this relevant because I get migraines at the same time?"

The doctor sat down on the bed. "Emily, is there a chance you might be pregnant?"

Emily laughed. "No,"

"I'm really sorry for the invasive questions, but I have to ask them. Are you sexually active?"

"Yes, but we use protection. Condoms."

"OK. I have to tell you your bloods indicate that you are pregnant."

"How is that possible? And how far?"

"Well, it happens. Nothing is 100% unfortunately. As for how far, we can't really tell from the bloods, we need an ultrasound. But I would guess from the level of hcg at least a few weeks."

_Fuck. This is not happening. This absolutely can not be happening. How can this happen?_

Everything began to spin and she grabbed the side of the bed. "I think I'm going to be sick. Or pass out."


	22. Chapter 22

Emily lay on the table in an ultrasound room with an obstetrician at the hospital. She had called Victoria and told her she could come home, but not to pick her up until lunchtime.

"OK. Let's see what we can see." She pointed to a tiny flicker on the screen. "That's a good strong heartbeat. You are most definitely pregnant, miss Bainbridge." Emily stared at it, in shock.

"Can you work out when it... happened?"

"OK I'm just measuring. I would say about 6 weeks. But your hcg is very very high, which is why you're so sick. That would put conception around new year's. Does that sound possible?"

Emily breathed a tiny sigh of relief. _At least it isn't Tom's._

"Yes, it does."

"I'll give you some medication that should ease the nausea, but you need to get to a hospital if you get that sick again. Dehydration can cause serious complications. It should ease off in a few weeks, but I have to warn you it may not. Do you have a doctor at home?"

"Yes,"

"You'll need to see them to organise your antenatal care. No smoking, no alcohol, be careful with medicines. Do you have any questions?"

Emily shook her head and tears streamed down her face. In truth she had more questions than she could articulate. But most of them couldn't be answered by an obstetrician anyway. A clairvoyant, perhaps.

Emily felt trapped by the news. She wanted to tell someone, but she had to tell Jamie first. And she couldn't do that over the phone. She spent the afternoon convincing Victoria she was ok to go home, and when she was finally alone she called in sick for work the next day and booked a flight to Belfast. She sent a message to Jamie.

_Emily: how did it go today?_

_Jamie: not great. Too tired to talk, but two tumours, fairly slow growing but inoperable. They think maybe 6 to 12 months, but it's hard to say._

_Emily: I'm so sorry, Jamie. I wish I could say or do something to help._

_Jamie: I know. I'm going to get some rest, I'll talk to you soon._

Emily felt completely shut out. She knew he loved her, and she had promised to leave it alone. Subconsiously her hand went to her belly. _That's not possible anymore, though. We're having a baby. Oh fuck, we're having a baby._

As she packed a suitcase, tears welled in her eyes and streamed down her face, and when she was done she lay down in bed, sobbing in to her pillow.

* * *

 

Emily's alarm woke her with a start. She was still in yesterday's clothes, and she needed to shower and get ready to go. She took one of the tablets the doctor had given her and got up. That morning would be the last time she would take it _after_ she got out of bed. She arrived at the airport with no time to spare and boarded the plane. She didn't know what she would do when she got there, but she knew she had to go. She had already booked a flight back for this evening. She managed a cup of tea, and thought it might stay in her stomach, until they began their descent and she had to run for the toilet. With a panicked surge she wondered how on earth she would hide it at school if she had to vomit this often. And Jamie wouldn't be there to have her back.

As soon as they landed she called him and was relieved when he answered.

"Jamie, it's Emily. Don't be mad. I'm in Belfast."

"You're what? Emily, I specifically asked you not to come!" She could tell he was angry. And stressed.

"Yes, I know that, and I'm really sorry. I need to talk to you and then I'll go. I have a return flight this evening."

"Fuck. Fine, you'll have to meet me at the hospital. In the cafe."

"OK I'll be there."

He hung up before she could say anything more. In the cab on the way there she began to wonder if this was a mistake. He was so angry, angry with her. She had no idea what she had done, but she couldn't imagine 'surprise, I'm pregnant!' Making it better.

He walked toward her when he spotted her nearing the cafe. "I'm sorry, I was out of line talking to you like that. I just... it's so much harder to leave you behind if you're here."

"Why are you leaving me behind?"

"Mum needs me. You can't work here, you can't afford not to. And I can't keep you hanging until she.... you know. Emily I never wanted to hurt you. But that's how it has to be."

"Can we sit for a moment?" Right in front if Jamie's eyes, Emily turned grey and he knew she was going to pass out. He scooped her up and sat her in a chair.

"Em? Baby? What's wrong?" She slumped forward in to him and everything went black.

* * *

 

When she woke she was surrounded by people. "They're just getting a gurney, don't move." Jamie said.

"No, I'm fine. Really. It's just the trip and I've been unwell. I haven't eaten. I'm fine. Please? I just want to sit and talk to you, Jamie."

"Will you come straight in to ED and be checked over when you're done?" A nurse standing over her asked.

"Yes. I promise."

Jamie took her to an empty area in the cafe and they sat down on a soft couch. Emily ordered a black tea and some dry toast. "I'm sorry, Jamie. Really sorry. About all of it. I wish you'd just let me hold you and comfort you." He brought his arms around himself tightly as though he suddenly felt cold. "I'm not here to pressure you, or argue with you, I'm just here to... tell you something. And then I'll go."

"OK."

Tears stung Emily's eyes. She could not understand why he wouldn't let her comfort him. Only hours ago he had confessed being in love with her, and now he was pushing her away, and despite their short relationship she felt as though her heart was being crushed. "I hate just dumping this on you. And I know it's the absolute worst possible timing. I don't expect you to do anything right now, I don't even think you'll be able to process it. But you need to be the first to know." She struggled to find the right words, and to keep her voice even.

"Emily, what the fuck is going on?"

"I'm... pregnant."

"Fuck." He put his head down and raked his fingers anxiously through his hair. "How? We always-"

Emily shrugged. "I'm sorry, Jamie."

"Please stop apologising." He said, clipping his words.

"I'm just going to stop talking. There's nothing else I can say, except that I'll be waiting when you're ready."

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Wait. Don't wait."

"Even if I didn't want to, I don't have a lot of choice. But I do want to. And I will forgive your behaviour because you're having a really tough time right now. I'm not staying, because I can't deal with you being so angry with me. So whatever I did to anger you, I'm sorry. I'm just... sorry. I hope you have someone to support you, and if you don't I hope you know you can call me. No matter what happens in between."

Jamie had been looking down at his hands, not reacting or saying anything. Emily drank the last of her tea and took another bite of toast, surprised at how good it felt to have food in her stomach. _So far at least._

Suddenly he looked up, and for a second she hoped his demeanor had changed. It hadn't, he was still scowling. Still angry.

"Are you sure it's not Tom's?" He spat.

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Emily was on the first flight out of Belfast and back in London just after lunch. Jamie's words still rang in her head, more so their tone than the words themselves. He was so angry. She understood him being angry with the universe, he'd lost his sister, father, and now his mother in a few years. But the way he was taking it out on her... She just didn't know if she had done something, or she was just there. Was it about Tom? About what she had told him? He had a right to ask about the baby being his, she had confessed to sleeping with Tom before him. But she thought he would have more regard for her than to think she would tell him if she wasn't sure.

It was all too much to think about, and she flopped down on the bed and slept until dinner time. Rubbing her eyes it was only then she realised she hadn't turned her phone back on since this morning. She turned it on and set it on the bench while she made dinner for herself, listening to it beep for a few seconds while the notifications piled up.

Emily sat down on the couch to eat some toast with sliced tomato and picked up her phone. 33 notifications, most of them text messages from Jamie.

_Jamie: I'm sorry, that was out of line. Please don't go yet, come back and we'll talk._

_Jamie reached your voicemail and left a message_

_Jamie reached your voicemail and left a message_

_Jamie reached your voice mail and did not leave a message_

_Jamie: ok your phone is off. If you get this before you go, please stay and we will talk. Otherwise, I guess I'll talk to you when you're ready._

_Jamie: I do love you, and I want nothing more than to collapse into your arms and cry. I want you to never let me go. But my mum needs me right now, and I'm not sure I'm capable of looking after one of you, let alone both or all three. I'm sorry, but I'm not enough._

_Jamie: I talked to your mum. I didn'tt ell her you'd been here, she obviously didn't know, or know that you're pregnant, and I didn't tell her that either. I didn't realise how sick you were. I can't do it Emily, I just can't. I'm not strong enough and I don't have it in me._

_Jamie: just talked to the specialist here and they're letting mum go home, she'll have a nurse to care for her. They think it will only be a few months at most, they found other tumours._

Without reading any more, Emily picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hi, mum."

"Hi honey. How are you feeling? Did Jamie get hold of you?"

"Yes he did. Sort of. I'm feeling a bit better." Her voice began to shake, and Victoria recognised it immediately.

"What's wrong honey? Is it Jamie's mum?"

"No," she choked. "Mum, I'm pregnant."

"Oh sweetheart. I'd be excited if it wasn't such a bad time for you both. Have you told Jamie?"

"Yes, I flew all the way to Belfast and back today. I passed out in a hospital cafe, and I told him, and he asked if I was sure it wasn't Tom's."

"Oh. Men can be stupid bastards sometimes. Thick as fucking bricks, most of them."

"Mum!" Emily laughed. It felt good to laugh.

"Sorry darling, it's true though. He's hurt, and he's angry at the world. He'll come around."

"I just want to comfort him, and he won't let me."

"Can I reiterate what I just said? Can I be just a little bit excited?"

"Yes, you might as well be. Poor bastard child isn't going to have a father, it might as well have a grandma."

"Emily. Give him time."

"I have to go, someone's trying to call me."

"OK I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you sweetheart."

"Love you, too."

 

"Hello?"

"Hey, Em."

"Hi Tom.

"You ok?"

"Not really," Emily was still wiping away tears from talking to Victoria, and she was tired of lying. "Jamie and I are over, his mother is dying. And to top it all off I'm pregnant. So no, I am really not ok at all."

"Whoa. You're going to have to back it up a bit. You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Is it, uh. Shit."

"It's Jamie's, Tom. Relax."

"OK, so what happened?"

"His mum is dying, she has cancer. She only has a few months. So he's gone back to Belfast. And apparently that means we have to break up. I just told him I love him on Saturday. Then I got sick, and he was in Belfast, and I was so scared when the doctor told me. I still am. I'm not ready for this. I flew all the way there to tell him. I just want to comfort him, help him and support him, and he keeps pushing me away. He so angry, Tom. He seems so angry with me. And I don't know why. His reaction was to ask if the baby is yours. I told him about us, I was so excited for you to meet him. He threw it back in my face."

"Gosh, Emily. I'm so sorry. I mean, about Jamie."

"I don't know what to do, Tom." She moved the phone away from her mouth so he wouldn't hear her cry.

"Just breathe, darling. It'll be ok, you'll see. Are you working tomorrow?"

"No. The doctor has given me until Wednesday off."

"I wish I could be there with you. Or say something to make it better."

"I do, too. How's it going with Olivia?"

"Do you really want to hear-"

"Yes or I wouldn't ask."

"Fantastic, then. I'm making her dinner tomorrow. Flowers, chocolates, candles, the works."

"Wow. What happened to low key?"

"Well you've got to bring it for valentines day,"

"Oh." Emily hadn't realised it was tomorrow. "Yeah, I guess you do."

"Sorry, Em."

"Don't be. You deserve some fun, and love."

"So do you, darling. I really think it will work out."

"I hope so. I should go, I'm trying to keep some dinner down."

After she had hung up and had a few more bites of toast, Emily went back to bed. She was more exhausted than she had ever been in her life, and fell asleep almost immediately.


	24. Chapter 24

Learning from the day before, Emily had set an alarm to remind her to take her tablet before she had to get out of bed. She dragged herself wearily out of bed at 8am, showered and dressed, and went downstairs. She had decided last night that she would spend the day writing today, her relationship with Jamie had forced it to take a back seat, and she had missed it.

Around 11am she was mid-sentence when her stomach lurched. She had forgotten to eat, and from the googling she had done that was the worst thing she could do for the nausea. _Maybe I need an alarm for that, too._ She went to the kitchen for some crackers and heard her phone ping with a message.

_Jamie: Are you at work today?_

_Emily: No, I'm off sick, I go back on Thursday._

_Emily: How are you?_

She felt sadness wash over her when he didn't answer. Never before had she felt so raw and emotional, she seemed to spend more time crying than anything else. Even the characters in her own fiction were making her cry.

_Jamie: I'm at home. Just to pack some things. Mum will be coming home in the next couple of days once they have her pain under control. I'm going back tonight._

How could he be right there and not want to see her? She began to type a reply but stopped herself. She was still hurt by the way he had spoken to her in Belfast, and he had made it clear he didn't want to see her. She left the phone in the kitchen and went back to the laptop on the couch to write some more.

Half an hour later, engrossed in writing, Emily jumped when her phone rang from the kitchen. Jamie's face appeared on the screen and she thought for a moment about ignoring it, feeling too fried to deal with any drama or confrontation, but too guilty to reject the call.

"Hi Jamie."

"Hey," he said softly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Are you at home?"

"Yeah." Emily could hear how tired and sad he sounded, and wondered if he was hesitating because he didn't really want to talk to her, or because he did.

"Jamie... can I come and see you?"

"Yeah, OK. Now?"

"Yes. I'll be there in five."

Emily hung up and swept her hair back into a rough ponytail, checking quickly in the mirror near the front door before heading out into the freezing cold.

* * *

Emily knocked softly on Jamie's door. She was shocked at his appearance when he answered, he looked much more exhausted than he had the previous day. He gestured for her to come in and closed the door behind her. She had mustered all of the strength she had on the way over, and resolved not to let him push her away this time, at least not without a fight. She walked purposefully to the couch and sat down. "Come here." she said to Jamie gently, turning her body sideways and opening her arms.

To her surprise, he sat down facing her and let her wrap her arms tight around him, putting his face hard in to her neck. She had been expecting a lot more of a protest, but guessed he probably didn't have the energy. Emily ran her fingers through his hair softly, squeezing with her arms when she felt his tears wetting her neck. "Please don't push me away, babe." she whispered. "I love you." He began to sob heavily in to her, and she pulled him closer, stroking his back. Silent tears streamed down her face and they sat for what felt like hours before Jamie could speak.

"Oh, my beautiful Emily. I'm so so sorry. The way I spoke to you... I was so angry. I was so angry with the world, with mum, with you. God, I'm sorry."

"Sshh. It's OK. I understand."

"You shouldn't. How could you ever forgive me?"

"I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I just can't. How can your whole family be taken from you in such a short time, it's just not fair. I wish I could make it better. I wish you would let me be there for you."

He nodded slowly. "I think... I think I was taking it out on you because we had been with your family. And you're so lucky, they're so perfect and loving and... looking at you just salted the wound, you know? And what I said about the baby was completely unforgivable. I know you wouldn't have flown over to tell me if you weren't sure." Emily saw tears well in his eyes again, threatening to spill over his red cheeks. "I don't think I can deal with it right now, Emily. I know how selfish that is. But I just can't."

"I know. I don't expect you to. It's still early, there's plenty of time. You're not saying you want me to... are you?"

"Huh?"

"I can't even say it. I'm keeping it, Jamie."

"Oh! Of course, I would never suggest... unless you wanted to... but no. I don't want you to do anything. I just can't get excited about it yet. I think I will, I just need more time."

"That's ok, I understand. Please just don't shut me out. I can just be a friend if that's what you need. But I can not stand knowing your world is falling apart and I can't comfort you. It's mid term break next week and I want to come to Belfast, if you'll let me. I'll stay nearby so I'm not in the way."

"Oh, Emily." He cuddled back into her neck and she leaned back on the couch, laying his head on her chest while sobs racked his body. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Please don't be."

"This can't be happening, Em. It can't. What the fuck did I do so wrong to deserve this?"

"You didn't do anything sweetheart. And you don't deserve it at all."

He lay in her arms and cried so hard he didn't think he would ever stop. Emily stroked his hair, his back, his neck, and whispered gently in his ear, her own tears falling silently down her face. Eventually Jamie couldn't focus his eyes any more and when he closed them sleep overtook his exhausted body. Emily lay awake for a while after, until she began to ache and feel sick under his weight, and she shifted carefully out from under him and on to the floor, putting her head down next to his and closing her eyes.


	25. Chapter 25

"Emily? Wake up, baby."

Emily opened her eyes and tried to turn her head, she had kinked her neck by falling asleep with her head turned. She was immediately overcome with nausea and as she ran to the bathroom she cursed Jamie for waking her, and then herself for forgetting to eat again. When her stomach was done trying to turn itself inside out, she looked in the mirror. Her eyes and nose were red and scratchy from crying, her hair was a mess. _Aren't pregnant women supposed to get some magical glow?_ She thought as she washed her face.

Jamie met her at the door with open arms. "I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Apparently I should eat every hour or so, it helps. But obviously I forgot." Only then she realised the sun was setting. "Are you about to leave?"

"No. I'm staying a couple of days. Emily, I'm... so tired of saying sorry. But I am, and I don't know any other way to say it." He sighed. "I need you. I can't do this on my own, I can't take care of you the way I should, and I don't deserve you. But I really need you."

"I'm yours, Jamie. Whatever you need, I'm yours." She held on to him tightly and he kissed the top of her head.

"I'm don't want you to drop everything and come to Belfast. Just... maybe for the holidays. And some weekends. Maybe I can come back some weekends."

"Anything you want, babe." She looked up in to his eyes. Her heart hurt to see him so broken. So sad, so defeated. "I'll go in to work tomorrow and see if I can take the rest of the week. Then I can come back with you."

"How are you going to cope with work, though?"

"I don't know. I'll manage. Apparently if I take the medication and eat often I should be ok. Otherwise, keep a bucket in the store room?"

Jamie smiled almost imperceptibly, but Emily saw it briefly touch his eyes. He reached down and put a hand on her stomach. "I can't believe this is real. There's a baby in there, and it's mine. Ours."

"Yes. Let me worry about that. And you. Do what you need to do for your mum." Emily yawned. "I have never in my life been so ridiculously tired and emotional. And nauseated. People really do this deliberately?"

"How about I make you some dinner and we have an early night?"

Emily's stomach lurched at the thought. "Sure. Peanut butter on toast is about all I can stomach unless you have plain crisps or crackers,"

"Sounds delicious." Jamie said. Emily's phone rang as he went to the kitchen.

"Hi Tom,"

"Hello, darling. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"I'm ok. I'm actually with Jamie."

"That's great news. So he's back?"

"Only for a few days to pack some things. He'll stay and take care of his mum and I'll visit as often as I can. He's a mess, Tom. My heart just breaks for him, and there's nothing I can do."

"You're doing all you can, Emily. Can we catch up on the weekend?"

"Um, no. I'm going with Jamie and staying until school goes back. Sorry, Tom."

"Don't be, he needs you. I'm not going anywhere for a while, we can get together when you're back. I have to go, Olivia is here. I just wanted to check on you while I had a chance. How's the nausea?"

"Ugh, violent. But it will be fine. Go, have a lovely dinner. Thank you for thinking of me."

"You're welcome. Talk soon darling."

Emily hung up and went to Jamie in the kitchen. She slid between him and the bench, grabbing his neck and kissing him eagerly. She opened her mouth slightly and licked his lip, searching for his tongue. For a few moments their mouths entwined and explored passionately, and then Jamie pressed her chest gently and turned his head.

"Jamie? What's wrong?"

"I can't, Emily."

"Oh."

She went back and sat down gingerly on the couch. Emily suddenly wanted very much to just go home, but she had promised to be there. She was rubbing her eyes when Jamie sat down next to her.

"Remember you said you'd just be a friend if that's what I needed?" he said gently.

Emily nodded. "A friend. I can do that if it's what you want." She couldn't look at him. She almost wanted him to go away, sure that he would audibly hear her heart cracking in to pieces in her chest.

* * *

Emily barely slept that night. Jamie asked her to stay, asked her to sleep in his bed, asked her to cuddle him. And she did, watching him sleep while unable to drift off herself. Once he was sound asleep, she went back to the couch for a few hours, typing away on her laptop. Too tired to continue the complicated fantasy piece she settled for a short, tragic romance. She was surprised when a message from Tom popped up on her screen at 4am.

_Tom: I really hope you've just left your laptop on and you're not up at 4am._

_Emily: Nope. I'm up at 4am. Can't sleep._

_Tom: You need to rest, Em._

_Emily: I've tried. I can't. I just lay there feeling sick. So I got up._

_Tom: Are you ok?_

_Emily: No. But I have to be, so I don't want to talk about it._

Suddenly the phone rang loudly in her lap, startling her.

"Fuck, Tom. You just frightened the shit out of me."

"You get quite the mouth on you when you're tired."

"Sorry, I'm just... yeah. Tired."

"How's Jamie?"

"Huh. Yeah, he's not good. Also we're just friends now. I tried to kiss him and he actually pushed me away. And yet I'm still here, because he needs me."

"Gosh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. So he's taking care of his mum, you're taking care of him, who's taking care of you and baby?"

"I have mum. And Lauren, although I haven't told her yet. And you. This whole day has just been shit. He says he's here, and he's sorry, and he'll be excited about the baby... and then boom. Single mother. Fucking fantastic, that is."

"Emily, It will be ok. So you're not going to Belfast?"

"No I'm still going. I promised to do whatever he needed. He's losing his mother, and there's no one closer to him than me, so I have to. And I have to accept the fact that he won't come running back when it's all over, otherwise I'll spend my life hanging on to false hope."

"Promise me you will take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, get some time to yourself. I know you love him, but burning yourself out won't make him come back to you."

"I'll try."

"Emily..."

"OK I promise. I'm going to try to get some sleep, I have a meeting with the headmistress tomorrow."


	26. Chapter 26

"Emily, come in. How are you feeling?" Prudence ushered her in to her office. She was always so approachable, but she was also a headmistress, and lying to her even by omission felt like sinning in front of a priest.

"A little better, thank you. I had to come in to ask for a little more leniency though."

"Oh? What's wrong?"

"You know Jamie and I are quite close, and his mother is unwell. He needs someone with him when he goes back to Belfast tonight, I don't think he's coping. I'll be back straight after the break, it's just the next two days. And only if it's ok with you."

"Of course. So terrible to hear about his mother, that poor man has been through quite enough in his short life."

Emily nodded. She suddenly felt an all too familiar cold sweat wash over her from head to toe and knew she was going to be sick. "Could you excuse me for just a moment?" she said on her way out the door, not waiting for a response.

Washing her face and composing herself she returned and sat down. "My apologies, Pru. I'm still not 100%."

"No. It's not often I see one of my teachers turn green across the desk. You quite literally took on the hue of green grass, Emily. So, how long have you and Jamie been dating?"

"Hm? Oh, we're not. You know we've been close since he started here-"

"Emily Bainbridge, you are a terrible liar. How long?"

"Since Christmas. But it's over now, honestly. Before it really began."

"Oh. That's such a shame, you two would have been wonderful together." She paused for a moment, her gaze burning into Emily's. "How far along are you?"

"I beg your pardon?" Emily said softly. Pru frowned and then raised her eyebrows, waiting for an answer. She sighed loudly and looked down at the floor. "Not far. Only a few weeks."

"Emily, you don't need to lie to me. I'm not angry with you, I just need to know the truth. You can't teach a class all day if you can't sit in my office for ten minutes without running out to be sick. Have you seen a doctor?"

Emily nodded. "Did they give you anything?" She nodded again. Still looking down at the floor she could feel tears sting the back of her eyes. _I need to get out of here, now. I will not sit here and cry, it's pathetic._ "Emily, look at me,"

Still looking down, she shook her head and a tear escaped on to her knee. _Damn._

"Oh, sweetheart. It will all be OK. What you're doing for Jamie is very selfless. Take your time, come back when you're ready. And I can cover for you until you're ready to tell everyone." Emily stood up and allowed Pru to hug her.

"Thank you, Pru."

"We're a family, Emily. We look after our own, and you've been here a long time looking after our girls. And we'll look after Jamie, too. He won't be alone."

"He's coming in this afternoon, I think?"

"Yes, he is. And so you know we'll be giving him as long as he needs with automatic return to his position."

"Thank you, again. I'll be in after the break, I'm missing my girls already." Emily turned to leave.

"Emily, on a serious note. I'm trusting you to be discreet, and to follow the policy on relationships between teachers whatever happens. I have a feeling you and Jamie will end up together, and I'd be happy about that on a personal level. But we have to protect our reputation. You know the rules."

"I do, and I will. We will."

* * *

Emily went back to her house to pack, Jamie was picking her up late in the afternoon in a cab. She was trying desperately to find a balance between keeping her emotions under control and collapsing under their weight. When Jamie arrived she got into the cab and reached for his hand, looking instead out the window when he pulled it away. She wished she could get a good read on him, he was pulling her in and pushing her away and she could never tell which. This wasn't the Jamie she knew, and he wasn't making it easy. "Have you heard from your aunt? Wasn't your mum coming home today?"

"Tomorrow. I'll go straight to the hospital when we get there. You can come if you like, or you can just get unpacked and I'll see you in the morning."

"Do you have room for me or should I find a hotel?"

"What? You're staying with me. There's plenty of room, there's even a guest room if that's what you want."

"Jamie. What do you want? Because you're treating me like I insisted on coming. You asked me to, and I feel like I'm intruding. If you want me to stay at home..."

"I don't. I just want none of this to be happening."

"OK. I get that. But it is. You said you're tired of saying you're sorry, so start thinking before you speak and act and you won't have to."

He sighed and stared out the window, but said nothing.

"Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Am I coming to the hospital?"

"Yes."

"OK then."

They spent the rest of the trip in silence, and on the plane Emily put her head back and closed her eyes, trying to make sure she wasn't sick this time. She put her hand on the armrest between them, face up, and decided he could take it if he wanted to. When she woke up he was snoring softly next to her, his fingers entwined with hers. She hoped he would warm up to her when they arrived, she already wished for home. Sadness welled in her chest, and although she refused to cry again, Emily felt as though it might completely overcome her.


	27. Chapter 27

They walked in silence down the hospital corridor, and Emily tried not to think about the last time she was here. She couldn't get any sort of read on Jamie, he seemed completely shut down and it was doing nothing for the dread in the pit of her stomach. When they arrived on the ward, she put her hand on his arm to stop him.

"Do you want a few minutes before I come in?"

"No, it's ok. Meg says she's alert and awake, it will be fine."

They arrived at the room and opened the door, and Emily immediately noticed Jamie's demeanor pick up a little.

"Hey, mum. How are you feeling?"

"Oh I'm fine, you didn't need to come back so quickly! I wish they'd let me go home though." Emily entered the room, Brigid was sitting up in bed with a magazine. She could see where Jamie got his gorgeous hazel eyes, and his wavy hair. "Ooh you must be Emily, I've been looking forward to meeting you."

"Hello Mrs Sawyer, it's lovely to meet you."

"Oh, Brigid, please. Jamie has told me so much about you, I knew you'd end up together one day." she winked. Emily instantly felt more at ease than she had in days, and she noticed Jamie had brightened a little seeing her sitting up and chatting. She felt a stab when Brigid said they'd end up together though, Emily wasn't so sure anymore.

Jamie pulled a chair up next to the bed and Emily went to get him something to eat. When she returned she smiled, he was talking animatedly and looked better than she had seen all week. "Jamie, may I have a moment?" She said. They went to the corridor just outside the door. "What do you want me to do? Are you staying overnight?"

"Yes. I'll give you the keys and you can go back to the house."

"OK," she sighed. "No hurry, I just wanted to know what the plan was."

Once again Emily began to wonder why she was there, and she wondered if she might just end up an emotional punching bag again. They went back into the room and sat down.

"So Jamie tells me you visited Eton regularly?"

"Yes. I went to Wycombe but we had a lot of social events and competitions with the boys from Eton. Both of my brothers were there as well, the youngest finishes this year."

"Did you meet the princes?"

Emily saw Jamie roll his eyes. "I met them, yes. We were there at the same time but in different years so I didn't have a lot to do with them. They were like any other students, though. They weren't treated any differently. I will admit we all fantasised about dating one of them, though."

Brigid laughed. "Which one?"

"Oh, it didn't matter to teenage girls. A prince is a prince!"

They talked for another two hours before Emily started to yawn. "I'm going to head back and let you two get some rest," she said. Jamie stood up and handed her the keys, and Brigid frowned.

"You are not just going to let her go home on her own, Jamie."

"Oh, I'll be fine, really-"

"No. Both of you go and get some sleep. You can come and get me tomorrow. I won't let him send you home alone."

"Mum-"

"Jamie, go home."

"You'll make sure they call me if you need me?"

"Yes. Go. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

 

Submissive wasn't normally Emily's style, but she was so worn down and didn't want an argument that she just let Jamie tell her what to do when they got home. She could see the room they were in was Jamie's as a child and teenager, there were still remnants of his teenage years scattered around the shelves above his small desk. For a moment she could imagine Jamie in here as a child, playing with his toys, playing with Bianca. She smiled just a little as she changed in to her pajamas. He had asked her to sleep in his bed, so she did, even though she ached to kiss him, to touch him. When he got in to bed naked she had to bite her tongue, it felt like salting her open wounds and she wondered if it was as innocent as it seemed.

Once he had fallen asleep in her arms she slipped out and went back to the living room, reading a book until she fell asleep on the couch. Just after 3am she woke up freezing and went back to Jamie's bed, sliding in gently next to him so as not to wake him. He had his back turned to her and rolled over when he felt her behind him, wrapping his arms tight around her and nuzzling in to her hair. He put a hand on her cheek, guiding her face up to his and meeting her lips with a soft kiss. Before Emily could think his tongue was flicking across her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth to his, letting their tongues mingle. Pressing her hands on his chest she pulled back slightly. "Jamie," she whispered. "What was that for?"

"Because I love you," he said sleepily. Emotion washed over her when she realised it was probably out of habit more than anything else, and a dull ache returned to her chest.

"I love you, too, Jamie." She said, snuggling her head in to his chest. _Friends don't do that, Jamie. Friends don't do this, either. And they don't sleep naked._ He put his arms back around her and she inhaled his scent, feeling his warm, soft skin on her cheek and his breath on her shoulder as he went back to sleep.

******************************************************

Emily groaned when her alarm went off, she was positive she'd only dozed off a few minutes before. She sat up and washed her tablets down with some water and a cracker before she lay back down. "Come back here," Jamie said as he pulled her back to him and rested his head against her neck. He pressed his body against her back and she could feel his erection on her leg. _Friends don't do that, Jamie._ She thought again, shifting forward slightly only to have him snuggle back in. _We're having words about this in the morning._


	28. Chapter 28

"So she's coming home today?" Emily asked Jamie. He was standing next to the bed, dripping wet and wearing only a towel around his hips.

"Should be, yes. She needs to see the surgeon again this morning to make sure."

"Jamie, are you in a hurry to leave? This morning I mean?"

"No, why?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Emily, I'm really not up to this."

"You don't even know what I want to talk about,"

"I have enough to deal with today. Are you feeling ok? And are you ok?"

"Yes, but-"

"That's all I can handle right now."

"You're completely shutting down on me, Jamie. And then you get in to bed naked, kiss me and tell me you love me in the middle of the night. I'm trying, I really am, but you can't keep pushing and pulling me like this."

"OK you're right, I didn't really think about what I was doing. Won't happen again."

"Jamie-"

"I'm going to have some breakfast. Come down when you're ready and I'll get you some toast and tea."

Emily hugged her knees tight to her chest as he left. Three more days, she told herself.

* * *

That afternoon she stayed at the house preparing dinner while Jamie picked up Brigid from the hospital. "Oh lord it is good to be home," she said when she opened the door. "What is that beautiful smell in my kitchen?"

"Don't get too excited, Brigid. It's pumpkin soup and crusty bread."

"She's a keeper, Jamie. You look after her."

Emily laughed. "He does, don't you worry. How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but it's so good to be home."

After dinner Brigid went to bed while Jamie helped Emily tidy up. Jamie was a little brighter having his mum at home, but Emily maintained her resolve to just stick it out and do what he asked. Of course, letting emotions get involved was never really something she had a choice in.

As usual Emily woke in the middle of the night nauseous and went to the kitchen for something to eat. She was startled to find Brigid sitting on the couch.

"Oh, Brigid, are you ok?"

"Yes, just couldn't sleep. What are you doing up?"

"The same. Would you like a cuppa?"

"Yes, please. Then would you come and sit with me?"

"Of course. Can I get you anything else?"

"No, honey. Jamie still sleeping?" Emily nodded. "Good."

Emily handed Brigid a steaming cup of tea and sat down on the couch.

"You and Jamie are so lovely together. He has talked about you for so long, I wondered why you didn't get together sooner."

"We wondered the same thing in the beginning. It all just felt so, right. You two are very close, he's really worried about you."

"I know. After we lost Michael and Bianca, he took so long to face it. I came back here to my family but he wouldn't even come to the house for two years. When he came back he would stay with Meg, my sister. I'd been putting off telling him, because I wasn't sure he could handle it. Having to tell my baby boy that I'm... you know. When I'm all he has and he's all I have..."

"You knew you were sick?" Emily asked gently.

"Yes. He doesn't know that yet. I just wanted to protect him, and I was having treatment. But then these two new ones... I can keep having surgery forever to reduce them but they'll just keep growing and it's risky surgery. I don't want that."

"Oh, Brigid. I'm so sorry." Emily blinked back tears.

"I can see how you love him, Emily. I know you'll take care of him when I can't. He said you have a big family?"

"Yes. An older brother, married with a child on the way, and younger twin brother and sister. I will take care of him, I promise. You have my word. I do worry about him though."

"I wish I could tell you not to. I didn't think he would ever recover last time, he just completely shut down and shut everyone out. He won't be easy to live with I don't think. But he didn't have anyone then, and he was so young. I know with you he will be OK." She put a hand to her head.

"Are you ok? Do you need some meds?"

"Yes, please."

Emily got them for her with a glass of water and helped her back to bed. As she lay down she took Emily's hands in hers. "You'll be his family, Emily. I know it."

On a whim Emily sat on the edge of the bed. "Can you keep a secret? Don't tell him I told you?" Brigid nodded. "I'm pregnant," she whispered. "In October you will have a grandchild."

Tears spilled down both of their faces and Brigid pulled Emily down in to a hug.

When Brigid was asleep Emily went back to bed, sliding in next to Jamie and snuggling into his chest, crying softly into his shirt. He wrapped his arms tight around her, kissing the top of her head.

* * *

Emily woke late on Sunday morning, the day before had been terrible, most of it spent vomiting. Brigid had looked at her knowingly a few times but Jamie hadn't noticed. She had gone to bed early and slept all night for the first time in a week. She propped herself on a elbow and took the meds on the nightstand.

Downstairs, Brigid and Jamie were talking over breakfast.

"Jamie," she said suddenly. "My beautiful Jamie. Promise me you will let Emily take care of you, when I'm gone."

"Mum, don't talk like that."

"I know it's hard, sweetheart. Impossible, to accept that this is happening. But it is, and I need you to promise me that you will let her, because she wants to."

"I don't need taking care of."

"Yes, you do. Jamie, please. Look at me."

He looked up, barely holding her gaze for a few seconds. He hated seeing her sick, she was pale and much thinner than a few months ago and he could see the stitches in her head from the last surgery.

Brigid sighed and braced herself. "There is no more the doctors can do. I am dying, it's only a matter of time. The next time there won't be surgery, I've told them to let it take its course."

"No, mum." He snapped his head up. "They can keep removing it when it puts pressure on your brain. You can't just give up." He wiped a tear angrily from the corner of his eye.

"I'm not giving up, sweetheart. I'm keeping some dignity and sanity. There's more than just in my brain, and I can't fight it forever. It's not time yet, but when that time comes, I want you to lean on Emily. You'll have your own family, and all I want is for you to be happy. Don't push away the woman who can give that to you."

"Emily is pregnant, mum."

"Is she?" A smile touched the edges of her lips.

"You already knew."

"It's a little obvious, call it women's intuition."

Jamie leaned in and put his head on her shoulder, letting tears fall down his face. She put her arms around him and held him tight, letting him sob in to her. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. So so sorry. It's not fair, I know."

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Mention of death and dub-con/rough sex*

Emily was relieved to be back home in Fulham, if a little nervous about returning to work. She had a message from Tom when she got off the plane and called him when she was home.

"Hey you." He said. "How are you?"

Emily shrugged, and then realised he would only hear silence. "I don't know to be honest."

"What's happened?"

"I just feel a bit like the end of a yoyo. He pushes me away, and pulls me back, and pushes again. I can't... I don't know if I'm strong enough for this, especially now. This could go on for months, Tom. And I promised his mother I'd look after him."

"That doesn't give him the right to treat you like this, Em. He needs to remember you're pregnant and you have emotions."

"I know. I'm not going to worry too much right now, I won't see him again for at least a few weeks. I'm focusing on work until then."

"How are you going to cope with work?"

"I have no idea. Pru has been great though, she's offered to come straight away if I need her. And I have a bucket and sink in the store room."

"Classy," Tom chuckled.

* * *

Emily's first week at work had gone better than she expected. She had managed not to be sick in front of anyone and had a stash of dry crackers in the storeroom. The girls were enjoying a movie on Friday afternoon, sheltered in the classroom away from the bitter cold. She was sitting at her desk sipping apple juice when Pru came quietly in the door. "Are you packed up?" She asked softly.

"Yes, just marking some homework. Why?"

"I'm giving you an early mark. You need to call Jamie, honey."

Emily put a hand to her mouth and shook her head. "Is it-"

"I don't know. He just said he's been trying to call and you didn't answer, and it was urgent. I'll look after your class, go."

She nodded a teary acknowledgement to Pru as she grabbed her bag and went outside to her car, dialling Jamie's number on the way.

"Hey, babe."

"Emily," he choked.

"What's happened?"

"She's. I came home from the supermarket, and she was..." he cleared his throat and drew a long breath. "She's gone," he whispered.

"Oh god, Jamie. I'm so sorry. I'll get on a flight tonight."

"No."

"What?"

"You can't do anything."

"I can for you. I made a promise, Jamie. I'll be there tonight."

Emily hung up the phone and wiped tears away from her face. No time for that yet.

A few hours later she was in Belfast, in a cab on the way to Jamie. When she arrived the door was open and she was surprised to find him alone. When she called out he answered from upstairs and she found him sitting on his bed.

"Babe, I'm so sorry," she went to him and tried to stand him up, but he resisted. "Come here,"

"No. I'm ok."

"Jamie," she sat down next to him and put a hand on his back. The angry, resentful Jamie from before had returned, and she still was none the wiser in how to deal with him. She could see he was doing his best to maintain control, not wanting to let his emotions out. She remembered what Brigid had said about him being so broken after Michael and Bianca. _Don't let him shut down._

She put her arm around him and pulled him to her, his head against her chest. She kissed the top of his head and stroked his back and neck. "Please don't shut me out. Whatever you need from me, I'm here."

They sat for what felt like an eternity until Emily couldn't feel her legs any more.

"I can't feel. I can't feel anything." Jamie said softly.

"You're in shock. It's ok, it will come."

"I don't want it to."

"Oh, Jamie." Emily had tears spilling on to her cheeks.

He pulled away suddenly. "Lay down," he said.

Emily did, and he lay next to her, switching off the lamp next to the bed. For a few minutes they lay there, eyes closed. Emily's tears fell silently, her own grief could wait. Jamie reached a hand behind her neck and pulled her toward him, their lips crashing together. Without thinking, Emily opened her lips for his tongue to mingle roughly with hers, and he pressed his body hard against her, his hands going everywhere at once. Her mind knew this was a mistake but her heart had ached to be close to him again, for him to make love to her, and if that was what he needed to feel she wouldn't argue.

He unbuttoned her shirt and slid it quickly off her shoulders, followed by her unclasped bra. He kneaded a breast as she removed his shirt and then his hands went to her pants, unzipping and removing them roughly. She did the same with his while he ran his hands over her thighs, and wrapped her leg over his hips. When he was free and they were both naked he flipped her on to her back and lay on top of her, parting her legs to kneel between them and biting on her neck. Before she could brace herself, his tip was at her entrance and he filled her with one hard thrust, making her grunt. Emily was stuck somewhere between pleasure and pain, feeling a hint of both but not registering either. He pounded in to her roughly, and after a minute she put a hand on his chest and the other on his hips, crying out and trying to slow him. "Jamie, you're hurting me," she whimpered, tears flowing from her eyes and down the sides of her face.

He didn't slow, or stop, continuing with the same force, occasionally biting her neck, and she almost screamed when he bit hard enough on her shoulder to break the skin. Emily had surrendered, wanting it to be over, and when he bruised her lips hard with his and his thrusts became even harder she knew she wouldn't have to endure much more. Silent tears continued to flow from her eyes, soaking the sides of her hair and the pillow beneath her head. He grunted as he came inside her, biting on her tongue almost hard enough to draw blood. She turned her face away from him and he rolled off, laying down behind her and pulling her up against him.

When Emily heard him snoring softly she slid out from his hold and put her clothes back on, going downstairs to sit on the couch in the dark until the sun began to cast a pink glow over the sky outside.


	30. Chapter 30

Emily got through the following few days by switching her emotions off and running on autopilot. She continued supporting Jamie and while he kept her at arm's length emotionally she did the same physically. They hadn't really spoken since that night, certainly not about what had happened. Emily had squashed it down and ignored it, assuring herself she would deal with it all when she was home.

After a week Jamie insisted she go home while he stayed for a little longer to help Meg get things sorted. She arrived home from Belfast late on Sunday night, ready to flop in to bed and sleep for a month. Of course insomnia got the best of her and at midnight she sent a message to Tom.

E _mily: are you awake?_

_Tom: yeah. How are you going?_

_Emily: do I want to know why you're awake?_

_Tom: lol I'm just reading, can't sleep. What's up?_

_Emily: same. Awake, can't sleep. Just got home tonight._

_Tom: Jamie with you?_

_Emily: no. He stayed. I actually don't think he will come back, but we'll see. I can't get through to him at all, Tom. It's like talking to a brick wall. I haven't even dealt with my own feelings yet._

_Tom: I'm really sorry, Emily. Can you hold that thought for a little while? I need to take a phone call._

Forty minutes passed, Emily had taken out her laptop and sat up, trying to concentrate on writing.

_Tom: sorry. Can you go and open your front door? Emily laughed softly. She should have known._

_Emily: you're shitting me. What would my mother say about opening the door to a stranger at almost 1 am?_

_Tom: I won't tell if you don't, and I'm not a stranger. Come on, it's fucking freezing._

Emily went to the door and opened it, finding Tom standing there. He didn't look his usual self, wearing sweat pants and a hoodie with sneakers. She had to smirk a little at the way it contrasted with the Jag parked outside. He closed the door behind him and pulled her into a tight hug, wrapping his long arms around her. Emily immediately crumbled, sobbing heavily in to his chest, her entire body racked with the effort. Tom stroked her hair and squeezed her close to him, resting his head on top of hers.

When her legs threatened to give way, Emily made for the couch. Tom took her arm and pointed to the stairs. "You need to sleep, and you're not doing it on the couch." She didn't have the energy to argue.

Tom couldn't help but notice the mark on her shoulder where her shirt didn't cover, and he reached a hand out to it. "Oh, that's a- sorry I thought you'd hurt yourself."

"It's not what you think it is," she said. Remembering that night again, the one she had squashed down and covered, not wanting to face the damage he had done, fresh tears spilled from her eyes.

"What happened?" Tom asked gently.

"I can't... he didn't mean to. It's not important. I made a promise to Brigid, Tom. I promised to take care of him, to not let him shut down. And I'm failing miserably."

"You can't force him, Em. It will take time. You need to worry about you right now. The two of you. Grieve and process it. I know you barely knew her, but she made quite an impression."

"She did. She thought Jamie and I were soul mates."

"You don't agree?"

"I don't know."

"Emily, what happened?"

"He just... I don't think it will be the same. I think we will stay friends, but that will be all. And parents, obviously." She started to cry again, at the thought of raising a baby on her own. "I'm sorry to just dump all of this on you, I've kind of kept it all bottled up for a week."

"I can tell. You know you shouldn't, but I understand why. And it's ok, this is what friends are for. It's the least I can do when I'm not here most of the time. Lay down."

He pulled the covers up over her but remained sitting on the edge of the bed. "Are you going home?"

"When you're asleep, if you want. It's up to you."

She pulled the covers back for him to lay down next to her. "I trust you. But if you need to go,"

"I don't." He said, putting his arms around her. "Tell me what happened with Jamie?"

"He just keeps pushing me away. And then he kisses me and tells me how he loves me in the middle of the night, wakes up in the morning all cold and distant again, and we start over. I've hugged him, stroked him while he went to sleep, held his hand when he needed it. But otherwise, he says he can't feel anything, and I don't know what else to do. He sent me home, Tom. He didn't want me there."

"Do you think he needs a counsellor or something?"

"Yes, but he won't see one. Brigid told me about when they lost Michael and Bianca. He was completely broken, he wouldn't stay at the house for two years, wouldn't talk about it. I don't think he ever really dealt with that, either. And yet, he seemed perfectly fine. He loved me, Tom. There was no doubt in my mind. Now, it's like his heart is frozen."

"I think you're just going to have to take it as it comes, one day at a time and wait. I know that's not what you want to hear. Do you still love him?"

"Yes. God yes. I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I try not to think about it, because when I do... I just can't breathe."

Tom wrapped himself around her again and she cried into his chest. "I love him, and I promised Brigid, and I will do whatever it takes," she sniffed. "I just wish I knew what that was."

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

Sunlight streamed in through the window as Emily sat eating her breakfast and drinking a cup of tea. The weather had been perfect, certainly warming up for summer. A little flutter in the bump she could no longer hide with loose fitting clothes reminded her that today was an important day. "Yes, Peanut," she said, rubbing her belly. "We're going to tell the girls about you today."

She went straight to her classroom when she arrived, writing 'Monday 4th of May' on the chalkboard. Pru walked in just as she was preparing for the morning bell. "Ready for a class full of excited girls?" She said warmly.

"Yes," Emily said, laying a hand on her belly. "I'm not sure I'm ready for the questions, though."

"What are you going to tell them?"

"Just that there is a father. They don't need to know who, or that he's in Ireland."

"Have you spoken to him?"

"Yesterday, actually. He's... OK."

"As a friend who cares about you both, rather than your boss, how is he really?"

Emily sighed. "He drinks too much and he's miserable but he won't talk to anyone. All we can talk about is Peanut, anything else he just shuts down. I don't think he will be back, even for the birth."

Pru put a hand on Emily's shoulder. "I'm sorry, honey."

The bell rang and Emily's class lined up outside the door, she gestured for them to come in and sit down.

"Good morning year five. I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Before we begin today, I have some exciting news to share with you." Emily's hand went absently to her bump, which was much more obvious today in a fitted shirt. "I'm having a baby." A huge smile spread across her face when they all cheered and talked excitedly.

Pru addressed the girls. "Unfortunately that means miss Bainbridge won't be back next term, so I want you all to take good care of her, ok?" They nodded emphatically.

Emily was on a high the rest of the day, it was comforting to know that she didn't have to hide it from anyone now.

* * *

 

She was pleasantly surprised to get a phone call from Jamie in the afternoon.

"Hi," he said tentatively.

"What can I do for you?" She said cheerfully.

"You're in a good mood today,"

"I am. I told my class about Peanut today. They're very excited."

"That's great news, Emily." He sighed. "I miss you."

Emily's chest developed an all too familiar ache. "I miss you, too. Do you want me to come and visit you?"

"No. You're busy, and you shouldn't be flying."

"I can fly for another few weeks, and I'm not too busy. If you need me, I'll come. Or you could come over here?"

"Maybe. Soon."

"Are you planning on coming back?"

"One day, I guess. I don't know."

"Are you coming home to see the baby? I have a scan in a couple of weeks and we can find out the sex if you like?"

"Emily..."

"You miss me, huh? Really?"

"Yes. I do."

"I'm coming, then. I'll be there tomorrow. But we need to talk while I'm there, just a little bit."

"OK."

After speaking to Pru and booking a flight, Emily packed a suitcase ready for the following morning and went to bed. She received a message from Tom when she was setting her alarm.

_Tom: how did it go? Were they excited?_

_Emily: very much so. They were so sweet._

_Tom: of course they are. Did they ask questions?_

_Emily: not yet but I'm sure their parents will give them lots to ask about! They'll have to wait until next week though, I'm going to Belfast in the morning._

_Tom: sounds promising, did he ask you to come?_

_Emily: not in so many words. This is my last time, I'm not going back. I can't keep doing this._

_Tom: I hope it works out, Em. I really do._

_Emily: how's the filming going?_

_Tom: really great, having so much fun. Olivia is staying with me for a week as well._

_Emily: well then you should go spend some time with her._

_Tom: I am, I just wanted to check on you. Let me know how it goes in Belfast. When are you coming home?_

_Emily: I don't know. I have the rest of the week off if I need it. Now go!_

_Tom: ok bossy pregnant woman, I'm going. Love you xx_

_Emily: yeah yeah. Love you too xx_

* * *

"Wow! Look at you!" Jamie said, walking toward Emily at the airport. "Um, may I?" He put his hands out. Emily took them in hers and put them flat on her belly where the head and feet were. "How are you feeling?" He asked when he took her suitcase and coat.

"Fantastic actually. Physically at least. This time you won't need to listen to me vomit every hour or so!"

He smiled, it was a sight she hadn't seen in a long time. "You have the glow, Emily."

"It's so good to see you smile just a little bit,"

When they got back to the house Jamie made tea while Emily put away her bags. She went back down to the kitchen and turned him around, pulling him into a hug. He kissed the top of her head, and Emily forced back tears. "God, Jamie, I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too, Emily." She gasped and pulled away rapidly. "What's wrong?" He frowned.

She took his hand and pressed it hard in to her belly, standing very still. His eyes lit up and a huge smile spread across his face, and she knew he had felt a kick. "Oh my god!"

"Pretty cool, huh?" He nodded, his mouth still gaping. He moved his hand to her side, gazing down into her eyes. Emily flinched a little and reached for her cup, going back to the couch.

"Emily, I have some things I want to say." He said as he sat down, turning to face her. "Firstly, what I did... the night that mum, you know, that was inexcusable. I am sorry, but sorry doesn't even cut it. I'm completely ashamed and disgusted with myself. I've been talking to a support group online, and it's made me realise how fucked up I am emotionally. I've been blaming everything on things that happened to me - dad and Bianca, Mel, mum, the baby... the events aren't the problem. My reaction, my total refusal to accept or deal with them is the problem. I'm really sorry you've been dragged in to it."

"Jamie, I agree that what you did was abhorrent, and if you ever want to come back to me it will take time for me to get over that. I'm really glad you're talking though, you should be proud. It's a hard thing to do and it means you know you need a bit of help."

"What would I have to do, for you to take me back?"

"I guess, see someone professional, like a counsellor. Someone who can help you work through it all. And you'd have to give it time and be patient. And be honest with me about how you feel, not just push me away when you need me. Let me help you. I made a promise to Brigid..." Emily's eyes welled with tears and she tried to steady her voice. "That I would be your family, that I would look after you and not let you shut down again. All she wanted was for you, for us, to be happy. To be a family. No one can replace what you've lost, Jamie. She wouldn't want you to keep it all in and shut everyone out so you don't get hurt again. I don't love you any less than I did the day I told you."

He nodded and looked down at his hands, taking in what she had said. "I don't know why. The way I treated you... you were so good to me, so supportive and amazing, since I've known you. And in return I broke your trust."

"And my heart."

He looked up at her and tears spilled on to his cheeks, his voice trembling. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"I know. They can be mended, it just takes time. This is all so unfair, Jamie. You're not overreacting, you've lost so much and had so much hurt. I'm so sorry. Look at me," she said gently. "Your mum was an amazing woman, and you were so close. And to lose her so quickly when you thought you had more time... you're broken in to pieces. I can't even imagine. To have that happen after losing your dad and sister as well. Jamie, look at me. You need to feel it. It hurts, and it feels like you'll never come out the other side. You probably feel like your heart will stop, and you can't breathe, and you're going to die. But I'm here, and you won't, and you can't go forward if you don't feel."

He put his head down on her shoulder and she put her arms around him, pulling him toward her so he was almost sitting on her lap. She could feel tears wetting her shirt. She held his head and stroked his back as he sobbed uncontrollably in to her. He grabbed on to her shirt and buried his face in her neck, letting out an almost primal, mournful, moan that sent tears down Emily's face. She continued rubbing his back and neck, occasionally whispering comfort into his ear while despair and deep, long buried grief washed over him.


	32. Chapter 32

Emily woke in the morning and found a steaming cup of tea next to the bed with her tablet and a glass of water. _At least he's paying attention. That's a start._

The night before Emily had finally seen the glimmer of hope she had been waiting for. In her mind she had decided this would be her last effort, if Jamie hadn't responded this time she was done. He had cried long into the night, holding on to her as though his life depended on it and falling asleep, only to wake up and dissolve in to sobs again. More than once she had wondered if she had completely broken him rather than opened him up, and the doubts seeped in again.

A little while later she found him downstairs on the couch with his laptop and sat down next to him. "Good morning beautiful," he said, looking in to her face. Emily's eyes stung a little just looking at his, they were red and raw. She leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"You're up early. What are you up to?" He turned the screen so she could see, and she saw he was looking at psychologist treatment. The tiny glimmer of hope lit up a little more, and then she saw he was looking in Fulham. "Oh. You're coming back?"

He smiled. "I think so. I want to, but I wanted to talk to you first. The only thing I have there, is you. And Peanut." He reached out to put a hand on her belly and she flinched away. "Oh, uh. Sorry." He said softly, pulling his hand away. Emily took his hand and put it flat on the side of her belly. "Are you ready for me to come home?"

Emily looked down at his hand on her, thinking about the baby growing inside, and how she had missed him. How she had ached for him to just come home and put everything back the way it was. She wondered if anything would ever be like it was, and sighed, knowing that they'd never know if they continued like this. Her gaze rose back up to meet his, and she put a hand on his cheek. "Yes," she nodded.

* * *

 

By the afternoon the house was a hive of activity. "I'm starting to think you're keen to get rid of him, Meg." Emily chuckled to Jamie's aunt. She had come to help him packing up and getting the house ready to sell.

"I am, lovely. He needs to move forward, not stay here all stuck. You better visit often, though."

"We will, I promise."

They made sure Jamie took his time, not rushing to get everything done and run away from the feelings that went along with packing up his family home. Although there were a lot of tears, a lot of moments where they both doubted he could keep going, Emily felt as though he had been ready for this and just waiting for her permission to come home. On Sunday afternoon they had a picnic in the sunshine-filled garden, lazing on a blanket in the warmth and staring up at the sky. "Are you sure you'll be ok to finish up?" Emily asked, squeezing Jamie's hand.

"I think so. I wish I could just come with you, though."

"Baby steps, babe. Get it advertised and everything signed first. I wish I could stay longer, but I feel bad having so much time off. They've been so good to me. To us."

"Speaking of work, I spoke to Pru this morning."

"And?"

"She offered me a couple of days a week, so I'll job share. Keep me busy but give me time for counselling and stuff as well. Starting the day after your scan."

"That's really soon. Are you sure?"

"I hope so, because I accepted." he laughed.

"You know what that means, don't you? We'll have to tell the kids." Emily looked at her watch. "We have to go or I'll miss my flight. Could you... get me a forklift perhaps?"

Jamie leapt up and held out his hands so she could pull herself up. She lingered in front of him, her fingers stroking his knuckles, and he leaned his face ever so slightly toward her. He looked in to her eyes, hoping for some sort of sign. "Can I..." he whispered.

Emily put her arms up to his neck and pulled his face down to hers, their lips meeting softly. The kiss was gentle and slow, she licked his lip very lightly and probed his lips apart. He hesitated, letting her take the lead, and she searched for his tongue, sucking it gently in to her mouth. She breathed in deeply, inhaling his familiar scent, feeling the light stubble under her fingertips. She took his hands from his sides and put them on hers and heard him breathe heavily in to her as he felt her warmth. As she grazed his lip with her teeth she felt a hard movement in the side of her belly, almost enough to make her jump. She took one of his hands from her side and placed it firmly in the right spot, hoping it would happen again, and continued kissing his mouth. Emily didn't want to break the kiss, it had been so long and it felt so good to feel his love again, feel his soft lips on hers, his warm tongue in her mouth, feel his big strong hands on her, pulling her close. When he finally pulled away he stared in to her eyes for a few moments and she could see they were glistening just a little.

"I love you, Emily. I love you so much."

"I love you, too." she said. She took his hand and led him inside to get her bags, and he drove them to the airport. All the way there her fingers toyed with his, teasing and intertwining them together before letting them go again and stroking his palm or the back of his hand.

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

Emily rolled over and groaned. Her hips ached and she was exhausted, the dull pain all over her body told her she had overdone it with the lifting at school yesterday. She hated it when Jamie was right.

She sat up and got out of bed, dressing in a short sleeved tunic and leggings. She had had to swap her suit and button up shirts for more forgiving outfits, and her heels for flats. Downstairs she found Jamie making toast, "aww, I was about to bring it to you in bed!" he said when he saw her.

"I had to get up anyway, we have to be there in forty five. Thank you, though." She took the plate from him and kissed him. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you last night."

"Oh, it's ok," he said, feigning hurt. "I was only telling you what the psychologist said yesterday, it wasn't anything important!" he walked over and sat down next to her at the table. "It's ok, Em. Really."

"So tell me again?" she smiled. "I won't fall asleep this time, I promise."

"Well firstly he thinks we could have some sessions together, talk about things between us. I don't expect you to just forget what I did, but if you'd like to talk to him-"

"Absolutely."

"OK, and like I thought I'm going to be seeing him for a while. But it was good, I feel like he can really help me. I wish someone had made me go years ago, actually."

"No one suggested it?"

"Of course they did. I didn't think there was anything wrong with the way I handled it."

"I'm proud of you, babe. Asking for help is hard."

"Thanks. I have two very good reasons to get my shit sorted. He wants me to think about goals, what I actually want to get out of the sessions."

"What do you want?"

"To be able to talk to you, about how I feel. For you to be able to trust me. To be happy."

"Sounds like a good start."

"So, everything looks perfect. You have a very healthy baby growing away in there." the ultrasound tech said as she ran the scanner over Emily's belly. "Do you want to know the sex?"

"Yes," Jamie said quickly.

"Oh, you've decided, have you?" Emily smiled.

"If it's ok with you?"

"Yes please," Emily said to the technician.

"It's a girl." she said. Emily saw tears well in Jamie's eyes.

"For real? We're having a baby girl?"

"I'm 99% certain you're having a baby girl, yes."

Jamie leaned down and kissed Emily softly. "We're having a baby girl, Em." he said shakily.

In the car on the way to work, Emily looked at the photos they had been given, over and over. "Are we going to tell everyone?"

"Well we're both notoriously bad at keeping secrets, so yeah. Might as well!"

"Yay!" she took out her phone and sent a text to Victoria, Callan, Matt, Bella, Lauren and Damien. As an afterthought she sent it to Tom as well, they hadn't spoken in a few days.

When they walked in the doors to the school they were greeted by the office staff, congratulating them and welcoming Jamie back. Pru was waiting for both of them in Emily's classroom, and tears welled in her eyes when she saw they had decorated the classroom, Jamie's class was there as well, with a big 'Welcome Back Mr Sawyer' banner hanging over the chalkboard.

"Wow," she said when they walked in.

"They don't know why his class is here, too." Pru whispered in her ear. "Are we telling them?"

Emily nodded.

"OK then, girls. Please say good morning to Miss Bainbridge, and Mr Sawyer."

"Good morning, girls. It's so lovely to see Mr Sawyer's class here as well! We have some news to share with you. This morning, we found out that we are having a baby girl."

She heard Pru squeal, and when the noise died down she saw twenty or so raised hands in front of them. She shot a look to Jamie and smiled.

"Amelia?"

"Um, Miss? Is Mr Sawyer the dad?"

Emily chuckled softly. "Yes, honey. He is. We are having a baby together."

They had to laugh when the older girls let out a collective 'awww' while the younger ones had more of an 'ewwww'.

"OK keep your hand up if you have a different question." She wasn't surprised to be only left with three.

"Does she have a name yet?"

"Not yet, we only found out this morning!"

"Are you getting married?"

She had been waiting for that one, her girls had asked it before but this time it came from one of Jamie's students.

"One day, I hope," Jamie said.

"Are you going to bring her to school?"

"Yes, we'll bring her in for visits. But Miss Bainbridge won't be here for a little while, she's having some time off to look after the baby."

"Not until after the holidays though, I'm all yours until the end of term." she beamed.

"You really are glowing, honey. Congratulations." Pru said in to her ear on the way out.

Jamie and Kelly, his substitute, took the younger girls back to their room while Emily stayed with the older ones the rest of the day. It felt normal, and good, to have everything out in the open.

On the way home Emily got a message back from Tom.

_Tom: That's amazing, darling. Congratulations. How is Jamie taking it?_

_Emily: Thanks. He's so excited, Tom. It's lovely. I think it might all be ok._

_Tom: Gosh I'm so happy for you. Can we catch up soon? Olivia is here until the end of next week._

_Emily: Yes! Finally! How about Saturday night?_

 


	34. Chapter 34

"Thanks for coming, Emily. Jamie has told me a lot about you."

"Anything I can do to help him, I'm so glad he's doing this."

"He's doing really well, making a lot of progress." Emily looked at Jamie, sitting on the therapist's couch next to her, and squeezed his hand. "I wanted to talk about the incident the last time you were intimate if that's ok?"

"Do you want me to stay or go?" Jamie asked.

"I don't know? Stay, I guess. I'm not going to say anything you don't know already." She took a deep breath. "It was the evening after Brigid passed away, and it started OK, although I didn't think it was a good idea."

"Why?"

"I guess, grieving to me is being supported and feeling sadness and well... grief. We hadn't been getting along very well, he'd been really cold toward me. And I just didn't think it was a good way to deal with it. I know everyone reacts differently, but..."

"I understand. It's actually quite a normal reaction, to want that intimacy. Not that the way he went about it was right."

"Well, yeah. I was in the early stages of pregnancy and I told him he was hurting me, I wanted him to stop. And he didn't. And now it's all I can think about when he touches me. I'm trying not to, and I've forgiven him, I'm not angry. But I have trouble forgetting I guess."

"You might never forget, unfortunately. But if you've truly forgiven him, and I think you have, that's a great start. Jamie, I want to hear your side."

"I can't... I don't need to give you a blow by blow. I wish I could just take it back, I'm disgusted with myself."

"Why did you do it?"

"I... she just kept pushing, wanting me to talk, or cry, or something. And I couldn't. I was numb, it was like my emotions just packed up and left. I didn't want to cause her pain, I just wanted to feel something. Anything." He looked down at the floor and spoke so softly it was almost inaudible. "I just wanted the release." Emily squeezed his hand again, and he looked up at her. "How can you even stand to look at me, be in the same room as me?"

"Because I love you. Because I've forgiven you. Because I can see that it hurt you even more than it hurt me. Because I so desperately want to trust you again. I want to be able to go to bed with you, make love to you, and not think about it."

The rest of the session was for Jamie, and Emily went down the street to get coffee. He met her at the cafe a while later.

"I love you, Emily." he said softly, holding her in a tight hug.

"I love you, too."

"We discussed something, and he approves, but can you trust me? Just a little bit?"

"Yes," she said, kissing him. "I'll try."

When they got home Emily changed into dark jeans, boots and a pink blouse that flowed over her round belly. Jamie came up the stairs as she was putting on her makeup. "Can you pack an overnight bag without asking questions?"

"For your house?"

"Um, no. I thought we might stay in the city tonight."

"Oh, OK. I can do that."

That evening they arrived at the restaurant at seven, and Emily easily spotted Tom. He stood up when he saw her, opening his arms wide. "You look amazing, darling. It's so good to see you."

"You too, Tom. Jamie, this is Tom."

They shook hands and Emily got a tiny knot in her stomach. It was weird having them in front of one another.

"Emily, this is Olivia." Olivia was a little taller than Emily, with blonde hair just past her shoulders and big brown eyes. She was more stunning in real life than the photos she had seen, and Emily didn't even mind her American accent like she normally would.

They talked easily over dinner, Olivia wanting to hear all about Tom at school and university and Emily being more than happy to oblige.

"You should have seen him, trying to waltz like a gentleman when his hips just wanted to... you know. Sixteen year old Tom was nowhere near as smooth as he is now!"

"I can imagine," Olivia laughed.

"Shall I tell the Eddie Redmayne story now, or are you going to stop?" Tom smirked.

"I'll stop."

"No no, you have to now!" Olivia said.

Jamie turned to her. "There's an Eddie Redmayne story?"

"Thanks, Hiddleston! It's nothing, really. Apparently I kissed him once, I don't remember."

Tom laughed loudly. "I caught them, at a party at Cambridge. In the stairwell, classy thing she was. She didn't even know it was him until last year!"

"And, we're done with the stories now! Shut up!"

"I will if you will," he poked his tongue out at her, making Jamie and Olivia both laugh. Emily yawned. "Keeping you up are we?"

"I don't see you growing a person, it's tiring stuff!"

"We should let Jamie take you to bed, then. I mean, um..." Tom looked slightly mortified when he realised what he had said.

"Yeah I guess we should," Emily said.

"Why don't you two say goodbye and I'll get the car?" Jamie said.

"Tom, I'll get yours," Olivia said. "It was lovely to meet you, Emily."

Tom turned to Emily. "Did I just put my foot in it?"

Emily chuckled. "Not at all. He does take me to bed. Every night. We just don't do anything but sleep."

Tom couldn't help noticing the sadness in her eyes. "How's it going with the therapist?"

"Good. Great, actually. I saw him today as well, we're going to work on the physical... stuff."

"It will come, Em. So do you have any names yet?"

"No, but I have one- come here." She pulled Tom toward her and put his hand on the top of her belly when the baby started kicking. His eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face.

"That is amazing. Weird and amazing."

"It is, isn't it? So I was saying I have one in mind but I haven't mentioned it to Jamie yet. Probably not Peanut though, I think we'll retire that when it's born. When she's born."

Tom pulled her into a tight hug as the cars arrived. "Look after yourself, darling. It's so good to see you happy. We'll catch up soon, yeah?"

"We will. Before you take off again. She's a keeper, Tom. I like her." She said, referring to Olivia.


	35. Chapter 35

Emily slid in to the car seat next to Jamie and closed her eyes for a moment. "Emily? Baby, wake up. We're here."

She opened her eyes and immediately recognised the valet area. They were at the Dorchester again. She smiled at Jamie and got out of the car, letting him take her hand and lead her to their room, the same one as last time. Jamie made her a cup of tea and sat on the couch, turning sideways to face her. "There is no pressure, here, Emily. OK? I expect nothing except a night in a nice room and not having to drive back to Fulham. Dr Evans and I talked about letting you take the lead, you tell me where I can touch, what I can do, and when. Like I know I can hold your hand anytime now. But other places, maybe I have to ask, or like you've been doing where you put my hands there and then I know I can touch there. Then you don't have to worry about my hands wandering and I don't have to worry I'm going to make you pull away. And just because I do it once doesn't mean I can do it again."

Emily nodded. As much as she longed to be under him, have him inside her, have him slowly make love to her like he had the last time they were in this room... her mind just kept going to that one night. Jamie took her hands in his. "If you want me to stop, you tell me. Just say the word, ok? You're safe with me and I will never ever hurt you like that again. Ever."

"I know you won't. Hands are safe, so is my face. And my back, I love it when you touch my back. And my belly, you don't have to hesitate there any more. My face includes my lips, you don't need permission to kiss me, either. For now, everywhere else... I'll let you know."

"That's a good start. More than I deserve." Emily stood up and went to the window, gazing out at the city lights. Jamie stood behind her, keeping his distance. "Remember last time we were here?"

"Of course I do. It was magical, one of the best nights of my life. And it always will be." She reached her hand behind her and pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around to rest on her belly, his chest against her back. After a few moments she turned in his arms and kissed his mouth, letting his tongue trail over her and part her lips. His hand stroked slowly down her spine, the other on her jaw with his thumb rubbing her cheek. She put her hands on the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his soft hair and pulling his mouth hard into hers. She broke the kiss and took him to the bedroom, switching off the lights as they went and dimming the ones above the bed.

Emily took off her shoes and lay down, keeping the rest of her clothes on. She unfastened the top two buttons on her blouse, letting it fall open just to the top of her breasts, and was impressed when Jamie kept his eyes locked on hers. She took his hand and put his fingertips to her throat, trailing them down over the middle of her chest almost to her breasts, and across to her arms and shoulders, indicating he could touch there freely. While he lay facing her she unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off his shoulders, aching to feel his skin on hers. He shivered a little when she did, as her fingertips grazed so lightly over his skin.

Emily closed her eyes and Jamie lightly explored her chest and neck, running his fingers over every inch of her soft smooth skin. He kissed her lips for a few minutes while he walked his fingers over her shoulder and neck, and when he pulled away she turned her head and put his lips on her neck, sighing when he left a trail of kisses down to her shoulder, over her arm and down to her fingers. He did the same on the opposite side and then trailed his tongue, light as a feather, over her collarbone, using more pressure when she moaned softly under his touch. She took his hand and put it on to the next button, and the next, until her blouse fell open and she sat up so that he could slide it slowly off her shoulders to the floor.

He lay her gently back down, propping himself on one elbow to look over her and watch her face while his hand explored the rest of her skin. Careful to stick to her chest and belly but not her breasts, he experimented with his fingertips and palm. Both were silky and soft, Emily could feel herself relaxing under his gentle touch. She kissed his mouth again and with her fingers in his hair she guided his mouth downward, wanting to feel his lips on the sensitive skin between her breasts and over her bump. She spread his hand and put it on her side and he brushed his palm lightly down from her shoulder to her hip, making her squirm and draw a sharp breath. Emily had never forgotten how beautiful it felt to have his hands on her, but when he was so soft, so gentle, careful and slow, it felt like magic. Like the first time all over again.

Jamie brought his mouth back to hers, sliding a hand under her back, spreading his long fingers and lifting her to him so his skin was pressed against hers. She reached a hand behind her and unclasped her bra and he ran his palm all over her back, no longer interrupted by clothing, from her hairline down her neck and to her hips, meeting the waistband of her jeans.


	36. Chapter 36

Their lips remained locked as Jamie laid Emily back down on to the bed, and she took his now free hand and put it under her bra strap, sliding it off. He did the same with the other side, freeing her swollen breasts and discarding her bra. She took his hand and put it gently on her breast, and he traced around her nipple with his fingertips, kneading softly. A soft moan escaped Emily's throat and she arched her back into him slightly, encouraging him. He kissed her neck, covering every inch of skin, kissing and licking down her throat to her chest and between her breasts. Hesitating when he brought his open mouth over her nipple, Emily put a hand behind his head and pulled him to her, giving him permission to put his warm mouth, tongue and teeth to work on her erect and sensitive nipple. Jamie kneaded one breast with his hand while he sucked the other gently into his mouth, circling her nipple with his hot tongue and flicking gently. When he grazed it with his teeth Emily let out a long breath and rolled her hips ever so slightly. He leaned back from her for a moment, drinking her in. Her face was flushed, light caramel hair sticking just a little around her forehead with sweat. Her rapid pulse was visible in her neck when she was still, and as he looked further down he could see her pale chest glistening with sweat. For a few moments he watched her chest rise and fall, watched the way her breasts moved with her breath, her lips parted slightly.

Emily could see Jamie's eyes had darkened and his face was soft and serious. He gazed longingly over her and she was again amazed at his restraint, his willingness to do whatever she wanted. Drawing a long breath she reached down and unfastened her jeans, putting his hands on the waistband to slide them off over her feet. She mentally gave him a point for leaving her panties in place, even though she probably wouldn't have stopped him sliding them off with her pants. He ran his hands lightly over her feet, around her ankles, trailing slowly up and up, over her knees until he reached her thighs and stopped. He paused next to her on the bed and then froze, she hadn't done that, he had, and he wondered if he had overstepped, if his own desire had got the better of him. He silently cursed himself and made to crawl back up the bed to her, but she grabbed his shoulder and looked in to his eyes. "Please don't stop," she whispered, parting her thighs just an inch. His fingers went to the back of her knee, rubbing slowly, feeling her squirm and seeing the goosebumps on her skin, hearing her breath catch in her throat as he moved up the outsides of her legs to her hips and then allowed one hand to flow gently back down to the other knee, this time trailing up the inside of her thigh, stopping before he reached her panties. Feeling bold, he traced the line of the fabric with one finger, light as a feather, and was excited when she put his hand underneath and slid them off.

Emily suddenly felt vulnerable. She was now completely naked in the middle of the bed, and painfully aware of the stretch marks that were beginning to form on the sides of her belly, her larger breasts, the curves around her hips and thighs she hadn't had before. Self-consciousness wasn't something that normally bothered her, but she was painfully aware of how her exposed body had changed in the last few weeks, and she tensed under Jamie's touch. He stopped and lay down next to her on his side, his hand holding his head up so he could look down over her. "You OK?" he asked softly.

"Yeah. It's not you."

"I can stop if you want, we can go to sleep."

"Jamie, it's not that. Just, my body. It's changed since you last... a lot."

"Well yeah, of course it has."

"I just feel a bit, weird."

He pulled his face back from hers, an almost hurt look on his face. "Emily, do you think you're not sexy because you're pregnant? Because you have new curves, and bigger boobs, and a bump with those fascinating lines that remind me you're growing our child in there? You think I haven't noticed things have changed until now?"

"I just don't feel very... attractive."

"God, Emily. You're more beautiful, more sexy." He looked down and saw she had put her arms around herself. "Please don't hide from me. I'll stop touching you if you want, but please don't cover up. Can you not see how gorgeous you are?"

She shook her head but removed her arms, revealing her naked form. He let his fingertips graze over every part of her, down over her hips, but again stopping without going near her mound. She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him hungrily, and moved his hand, putting it between her legs. Even without moving he could feel the warmth pulsating from her and knew she would be wet. She parted her thighs and he very slowly, gently, teased her folds apart, circling his finger up around her clit and down to her entrance. He watched her face for any sign she might want him to stop, his fingers feeling her soft wetness as he teased and his eyes burning as he watched her mouth fall open slightly and her eyes close. She let out a long shuddering breath and it took all of his self control not to slide his fingers straight in to her. All the time he had dreamed about being intimate with her again, and he ached to feel her writhe under his touch, feel her walls clench and tighten and spasm, releasing her glorious sweet juices all over his hand.

But he took his time, teasing her slowly, using her own lubrication to slip his finger around and around her bud. He heard her breath quicken and kissed her mouth. She immediately sucked his tongue in to her mouth and grazed her teeth playfully over it, making him moan softly in to her. She rolled her hips under him and pulled her face away. "God, Jamie... please," she said, angling her hips upward so he could slide his finger inside her. He followed it with another finger, finding her g spot and making her squirm under him. His mouth went back to her nipple, licking and sucking and teasing as he lazily rubbed her and pressed his thumb lightly in to her clit. She spread her legs under him and he slid his fingers deeper inside her, moving just slightly faster on her sensitive spot. She began to moan loudly under him, he knew he could speed up and bring her to a sweet climax, but he wanted to savour every moment first. His eyes took in every inch of her body, his lips kissed behind her ear, his tongue trailed down her throat, over her chest, down to her navel and finally back up to suck her breast into his mouth. He flicked her hard nipple with his tongue and rubbed his fingers harder over her g spot, pressing down with his thumb on her bud and making her squirm and cry out under him.

"Ah, Jamie, oh god," she panted. He bit gently on her nipple and she came hard around his hand, grinding her hips into him and covering his palm in her juices. He continued sliding his fingers in and out slowly, milking her orgasm, feeling her walls spasm around him. He watched her chest heave, sweat glistening on her skin, her mouth open and drawing deep breaths, her pink flushed cheeks and wide eyes.

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

Jamie kissed Emily's lips softly and lay down next to her, pulling her to face him. She buried her face in his neck while her breathing slowed and the kissed his neck and chest, her hands trailing down to remove his pants. He put a hand on hers as she fumbled with the button on his jeans. "Emily," he said, his gaze burning into hers. "We don't have to."

Emily didn't answer, instead swatting his hand away and continuing to remove his pants, freeing his erection. She rubbed the drop of pre-cum over his tip, watching his eyes close and his head fall back as she stroked him. She could tell he was holding back, trying not to lose himself. Rolling to her back she pulled him on top of her, letting her legs fall open so he could lay between them and guiding his tip to her entrance. He inserted only the head, feeling her wetness on him, using tiny movements in and out. She pulled on his hips and he slid all the way inside her, gently filling her with his length. Emily gasped and drew a sharp, distressed, breath, and he withdrew immediately. Falling on top of her and laying his head on her chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No. Please don't stop, it was just... you didn't hurt me, it was just feeling you inside that far. Jamie please, don't stop." She put her hand on his shaft and the other on his hip, guiding him back into her. He was reluctant, hesitant, and he slid inside her again, not quite so far. He was using every ounce of control to hold back, he couldn't bear hurting her or upsetting her. Continuing his painfully slow assault, he thrust in and out of her, making the tension build excruciatingly slowly while he kissed her mouth, her neck, her breasts. She craned her lips up to meet his neck, sucking gently, trailing her tongue over his collarbone and down to his chest, closing her warm lips around his nipple and flicking it with her tongue.

She rolled her hips up to meet him, trying to deepen his penetration, thrusting up to him. "Jamie, please... oh god harder, please," she begged when he didn't change his rhythm. He met her stare as he slowly entered her all the way, his tip rubbing over her most sensitive places and his girth filling her exquisitely. He watched her face, seeing nothing but pleasure and unbridled desire, and slid out again before thrusting a little harder inside her. He could feel his climax building, and could tell by Emily's ragged breathing that hers was, too. He reached a hand down under her ass, lifting her up to him so he could fill her again and again and she moaned loudly, meeting his thrusts.

Jamie felt her beginning to tighten around him, soaking him in her juices, and he took a nipple between his teeth. Emily shattered around him, her walls convulsing over his shaft, tipping him over the edge. She felt his seed spilling inside her, pooling and mixing with her own fluids, spilling out as he brought her back down with slow shallow thrusts before he lay down next to her and pulled her in tight.

Emily snuggled into his chest as tears she wasn't expecting poured down her cheeks. She was overwhelmed with sensation and emotion, barely able to speak. "I love you," she whispered in to his chest.

"God, Emily. I love you too. You're far more than I deserve, and exactly what I never knew I needed."

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

"You're in a good mood this morning," Emily said to Jamie over coffee.

"Of course I am. Summer holidays, sun is shining,"

"Birds are singing,"

"My girlfriend is blooming,"

Emily laughed loudly. "If that's what you want to call it. I feel like the size of a bus!"

"You look beautiful. Three and a bit months to go."

"I can't believe it. Is settlement on the house today?"

"Yes. In about an hour actually. Meg has it under control. Come on, I want to show you something."

Emily and Jamie walked slowly down the street, hand in hand. It was warm, and she was wearing a blue flowing dress with sandals. "Where are we going?"

"Well, I was thinking. With the money from mum's house, I have more than enough to buy my own here. Will you come and look with me?"

"Sounds like a perfect way to spend a day to me,"

"Good, because I already picked a couple out."

He pointed to one in the window of the real estate agent. It looked beautiful, with a garden, three bedrooms, plenty of space. "Shame it's sold though," Emily said.

"Yeah,"

They went inside and Emily could tell this wasn't the first time Jamie had met him. "Colin," he said, extending his hand. "You were looking at this one?"

"Yes, it's gorgeous. Did it only just sell?"

"This morning actually, yeah. We can still go and look though, if you like. That's no problem, it will give you an idea of what's available in that price range."

Emily shrugged. "You don't want to look at some that are actually available?" she said to Jamie.

"Oh. Well we can do that, too."

When they arrived Emily didn't want to get out of the car. She knew she would fall in love and want to move in, and she knew she couldn't have it. The agent remained in the garden and handed Jamie the keys. "I'll let you two have a look, just come and find me when you're ready,"

"Jamie!" Emily exclaimed when they had looked at the bedrooms. "It's just beautiful. This room would make a perfect nursery."

"Yeah, it would. Come have a look at the sunroom at the back," he took her hand and led her there, and she noticed in the middle of the table there was a single red rose and a small box. Odd. Who would leave that when they're selling their home? Jamie walked over and picked up the rose.

"I have a surprise, Em. A big one." She gaped at him. "I bought it. This is our house."

Emily was speechless, she covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh my god. Really?"

"Yes. A family needs a family home." He handed her the rose as tears formed in her eyes.

"Jamie," she breathed. Suddenly he was kneeling and it took her a few moments to work out what was happening. She clapped a hand over her mouth as the tears spilled down her cheeks. He opened the box and she saw a sparkling diamond ring inside.

"Marry me, Emily."

"Fuck, Jamie." She nodded, and then giggled. "Please don't tell anyone that was my reaction. Can we try again?"

He stood and laughed, and they both were almost in hysterics when the ring wouldn't fit on her swollen finger.

"This is not quite how I planned it," he laughed.

"I love you, Jamie. And yes, of course I'll marry you."

She pulled his face to hers, kissing his mouth eagerly and putting her hands under his shirt. When he pulled away he laughed.

"Calm your hormones, my love. The agent is waiting for us and it's not officially ours for two weeks."

Back in the car, Emily turned to him. She had put her ring on a necklace around her neck, confident it would be perfect when the pregnancy swelling dissipated. "I can't believe you just did that."

"Believe it, baby."

"Where are we going?"

"Reading, I thought you'd like to tell you mum."

When they arrived everyone was already waiting, even Matt and Bella and their newborn Celeste. As soon as she opened the door they all cheered and came running, and she shot a look to Jamie.

"I'm good at keeping a secret, Em. But I'm not that good."

* * *

In September Jamie returned to work full time, leaving Emily at home on her own. She was surprised one afternoon to get a visit from Tom.

"Wow." He said when she opened the door.

She put her arms out and hugged him tightly. "When did you get back?"

"Last night. How are you doing?"

"Bored out of my god damn mind. I've rearranged the nursery twice, the house is spotless, I've planted a vegetable garden..."

Tom was laughing. "How about I occupy you for a while then?"

"That would be amazing. Tell me about work, and Olivia, and whatever else is going on!"

"Work is good, just finished a series, something I haven't done in a while. Olivia is good, she's back in the States though. I spent a few days with her before I came back. Ummm. OK I'm out. What's happening with you?"

"Apart from this?" She pointed to her belly with both hands. "Not a lot. Finished the novel I was writing, the fantasy one. I need to edit though and my brain isn't working like it used to."

"Can I read it?"

"After what happened last time?" Tom blushed. "This one is a little more tame. You can when I've edited it."

"They don't have sex with their ears or something, do they?" He chuckled and then frowned. "You ok?"

"Yeah, just overdid it with the gardening I think."

"I'm going to make you tea," he wandered off to the kitchen. "So how's Jamie?" He called back.

"Really good. He's not even having therapy anymore until after the baby is born. He's so excited it's just gorgeous."

She winced as Tom brought the tea to the couch. "Are you sure you're ok? What's happening?"

"Relax, Tom. It's nothing. Just muscle pains because I overdid it. I think."

"Don't you go into labour on me."

"Ooh wouldn't that make a good story," Emily sniggered. "OK, maybe something is- ouch. But it will be ages, it's all good."

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

Two days later, sitting in a lounge chair, Emily would take great delight in relaying the story to Lauren.

"He did not."

"He did. There wasn't even anything happening! The midwife came in and put a cannula in and said I was definitely in labour, and the unflappable Thomas Hiddleston passed out on the fucking floor. I am Loki, of Asgard, and I am burdened with vasovagal syncope!" Emily laughed. "Thank god Jamie was already on his way!"

Lauren, Emily and Jamie were in fits of laughter when Victoria arrived. "What's that about?"

"Nothing, mum. Would you like to meet your second granddaughter?"

"Hmm, ok." She smiled.

"You might have to wrestle her away from Jamie!"

"No, no. I can have more cuddles when she's finished."

"Does she have a name yet?" Lauren asked.

"She does, as of this morning. Bianca Molly Sawyer," Emily said proudly.

 

 


End file.
